I can't say I'm a big rain lover.  But, today I've enjoyed it.   We've needed rain.  And it's just cozy. :)  Today is a day I wish I wasn't fasting TV.  I could really go for a cup of cocoa, an old Doris Day movie and some popcorn (also not a big fan of the corn).  Oh well.  There will be more rainy days to come after the fast is over, I'm sure!

We've all gotten our costumes for the upcoming JBQ costume day meet in November..except Chris.  We will have to post pics for you.  They are pretty cool.

We made waffles this morning, they were super yummtastic.

Chris is out with his buddy..going to see some zombie movie.  Men. 

I'm thinkin mashed potatoes sound good.  Maybe I should make some.  Either that or beans and chips.  Hard to decide!!!

I think I'm excited for Fall and Winter.  There, I said it.  I will probably change my mind.  But for now, I'm trying to embrace them and the cozy joys they bring.  Trying not to focus on the inevitable drama, etc.  And, I'm downright refusing to acknowledge that there will be icy snowy roads.

I'm doin better now than I was a few posts back.  Still emotional and junk but hey growing up is serious business!  Just ask a baby!  I'm sure they have many growing pains.  Just of a different variety.

Everyone we know (ok that's a slight exaggeration) has been sick.  We haven't gotten sick yet, thank the Lord.  Ash and J have had the sniffles but that's it.  Hopefully we all stay well.

I've officially taken over this blog as my own.  It was a family blog but no one ever wrote in it except for me anyway, for the most part.  So, now it's mine.  Who knows, maybe it will encourage Chris to start his own.  Doubtful, but we can hope!

Well, I don't really have much to say tonight so I'll be on my way.  You know I love you.

Don't be afraid.  Even in the darkest hour, He is with you.  Let him Love you.

We will chat soon..

Well, good Thursday evening to you. :)

It's been a long week..much of it has been spent in tears.  Not necessarily bad tears.  Just self realization tears.  Time with the Father tears.  Tired tears.  Worn out tears.  Salsa is too hot tears.  heehee

Anyway, so glad tomorrow is Friday.  SO happy for the weekend.  Time with my little family.  Although we are always more busy on the weekends than we are during the week..at least we are (usually) together.  Ash has a friend coming over to spend the night tomorrow night.  We're taking them out for a bit to pick out costumes for the bible quiz match that's theme is "costume day".  They are forcing me to get something too since I'm coach.  errrrg  Ok.  J says I should be an angel.  Aww isn't that nice ;)  Then Saturday I'm gonna go out with my buddy Jen for awhile and enjoy some girl time.  Then after that Chris is goin out with Jen's other half to a movie.  Sunday...well Sunday is just Sunday.  Busy as always.  But Pastor Judy and Randy are comin home after a week enjoying the coast on Sunday.  Yay!  I'm gonna go get them at the airport, but before I do that I think I might go down and visit my brothers/Gramma for a bit.  I haven't been down there in ages.  Mom n dad are camping this weekend.  Are you bored with this yet.

Found a new song the other day that I fell in love with.  Well, I don't know if it's new.  But I don't think I'd ever heard it before.  I wonder if I can get it into this blog...lemme check.





And then this is the other one I've been listening to pretty much non stop..one of my all time faves.  I just looovvvvvve it.  The video kills me.




Anyhoo..the fast is over on the 14th.  I think Chris will be filling the bathtub with coffee and drowning himself in it.  I'm excited to watch a movie with my family.  Have missed that.  Other than that the only thing I've really missed is my Flipping Out show.  Sad but true.  Although, there are still multiple times throughout the evening that I would love to flip the tv on.  It has been more of a struggle than I thought it would be in some ways and in others it has really been a blessing.

Had dreams all night lastnight that my Gramma had died.  That was joyous. (not)

Bought my lemon ginger tea at the store today.  YUM.  I could go for a cup right now.  I've only had it iced.  What if I have it hot and it sucks?  I don't want to ruin something that is so heavenly.  Hmm.  Well, no risk, no reward.  Too bad I'm too lazy to go make it.

I've been pretty queezy for a few weeks now (not pregnant, thank you).  Feel as though I could vomit at any moment, but don't.

I'm still in the thick of my books on tape..  They are by Francine Rivers....about "Five women, whom God chose, destined to play a key role in the lineage of Jesus Christ."  Rahab, Mary, Bathsheba, Tamar and Ruth.  I've made it through Tamar, Ruth and now am in the middle of Bathsheba.  They are amazing.  The way she tells the stories just really brings them alive.  I love them.

Have you read Redeeming Love yet?  Well, what are you waiting for?

Well, I should quit rambling.  Hope you have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend.  I pray you are well.  Sending virtual hugs your way!  Remember..you're worth the effort.  He loves you, and so do I.

Seasons.....to everything there is a season..a time... Sometimes it seems as though the season will never end, sometimes it seems as though it only lasted a moment and you want with everything to get it back...to keep it from ending.  Sometimes it seems there are so many changes that it's hard (impossible?) to keep up.  Grasping for the fleeting moments..taking quick mental snapshots to try to remember the moments..the conversation..the laughs..the smiles..the hugs..the feelings..the sound of their voice, their laugh..things they've said. 

I have been known to make the statement often, "Don't leave me."  I find myself constantly anticipating the end of something.  Chris will ask me, "Can't you just enjoy it while it lasts?" And my answer is, "No, because with every moment we are closer to it being over."  Whatever "it" may be.  It just seems that those moments of quiet...of laughter with friends..dinner with my husband...giggles with my kids..it's all going too fast.  I've started the downward portion of the rollercoaster and I've only got 30 seconds left of the ride.  Instead of screaming and laughing and enjoying the ride, I'm terrified.  I don't want it to end.  I don't want the changes.  I don't want people to move on to new "seasons".  I want it all as it is.  I want to freeze the ride..if only for a moment.  ..a lifetime. 

I love my friends.  Absolutely adore them.  Probably more than one should.  And the same goes for my family.  I want to hold them all close to me and never let go.  I realize that this is selfish.  Totally.  Let's be clear.  This is not a head discussion..this is a matter of the heart.  My friend says that this may be how Jesus feels when He must let us go and grow.  When it's time for us to walk instead of crawl.  It hurts..but it's beautiful.  I want to see everyone grow and become all they are intended to be.  It's just hard to say goodbye..I want to not only see them grow, but I also want to be there to enjoy the growth with them.

It seems to be heading toward the end of one season and the start of a new season right now for many people in my life.  Many things are changing..lives are changing directions.  And although we grow together, we can't stay exactly the same.  We are all different parts of the tree, not one part of the body is alike.  And because of this we must branch off into different areas.  As Michael W. Smith sings, "I know the road He chose for me is not the road He chose for you.   So as we chase the dreams we're after, pray for me and I will pray for you.  And one day Love will bring us back around again."  Seems there have been many instances in my life where this songs has had great meaning.  And, most friends have found their way back to me, and I to them.  And it's a great reunion.  We've grown so much and now enjoy eachother even more than we did before.  But, the initial parting is bittersweet.

Me not having TV to drone off to as brought a lot of things to the surface.  Also, reading Redeeming Love has really made me aware of how abundant His love is for me.  No matter how people come and go, HE REMAINS.  So comforting.  But in my friends I see Him in human form.  Anyway, the book reminds me so much of my own life..and of how not only my husband has never given up on me, but my Heavenly Father hasn't given up, either.  I'm so abundantly blessed.

Val said to me tonight, "Everything (and everyone) that you need are right where they belong" .  That cuts DEEP.  Almost takes my breath away.  But it is also comforting.  Because it helped me to realize that God has each and every person in my life placed exactly where He wants them.  In order for me to grow, he must place people in different places in my life.  It's like a beautiful game of chess.  People ebb and flow from my immediate surroundings.  Some go away for good.  Some are called back.  But, no matter their placement, it is all for the ultimate good.  The "chessboard" of my life is complex and not always easy, but it's design is masterfully planned out.  Not one error.  Everything is meant for good, if I just submit.  And, submit I will.  I can't promise there won't be tears, but I can promise that I will continue to grow.  I will do my best to enjoy the ride, no matter how long it lasts.  Because, if I look at it in a positive light..if things never changed in life..I never would have met you.

I love you.  I hope you know just how much.  And I pray nothing but the best for you in whatever new ventures the Lord leads you into.  May you be richly blessed, and if God willing, you find your way back to me..there will be hugs waiting.  If not, I've truly enjoyed every moment.  You won't be forgotten.

I believe that one day, we will all be together again..dancing at our Father's house.  I can't wait for that day.

Here are a few of my newest pics.

Here are two of the drama's the youth kids did yesterday.  Ash is in the second one, Everything.

They were amazing!!!  The youth really gave us an awesome service.

Revelation 5





Everything

Ash and I went to our friend Jen's bridal shower lastnight.  So fun!  Lots of buddies to chat with and yummy food to munch on.  Then she went to the last part of the Kuna football game with her friends and to 5th quarter at church after the game.  Busy girl she is.

Chris and J stayed home to watch the game and had a dudes night.  They love dudes night :)

I got home from the bridal shower and thought maybe we should go down to the pool for an hour.  The sign at the pool says: "Pool is now heated!!"  Thought it might help my back to be in the pool so came home, got Chris and J and off we went!  Got there, the water is just as cold as it always is.  Lame.  Back home we went.

I changed the sheets on the bed and put the "down" comforter on the bed, opened the window..turned the fan on and got into bed with my book (Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers).  J later came in and said, "Your room sounds so nice..I should sleep in here"  I think he meant cuz the fan was on and there were sprinklers going outside..he's cute. 

I'm doin really well without TV.  I was worried it would take me forever to fall asleep because I always have the TV on to lull me to sleep.  But, the Lord has really blessed me.  I'm falling asleep within about two seconds of closing my eyes :)  The fast goes until October 14th.  There are still moments I think ahh it would be nice to just relax and watch some tv..which shows me how often I really did watch tv.  I don't usually pay attention to it when it's on, but I like to have the noise.  Or just stare into the tv blankly and zone out.  It's reallllly nice not to have it yappin at me all the time though.  Chris chose to fast coffee..I'll let him blog about that.  Well, we all know he won't blog about it (prove me wrong babe?), but still.  He's doin great.

Today we have the Fall To Worship event out in Nampa.  The drama kids will be performing 2 different times throughout the day.  Pretty excited for that.  They also have live music and I guess a few pastors who come and speak.  But it's all outdoors in the big park in nampa that has the ummm what is it..fighter jets or something?  Well you know what I mean.  OH, and did I mention there is free food?

I originally had to work this morning but my boss told me yesterday that I no longer needed to.  They will now only be open on Saturdays if we have a big shipment coming in on Monday.  SWEET!  Doesn't help me save up for my dog, but it's still SWEET! 

Well, we are getting ready to have our big Saturday family breakfast, so I better go get stuff started.

Have a wonderful weekend guys!  Love you so much!  

Until next time...Take care of you, you're precious cargo!

Hello, my friend.

How are you?  Doin ok?  Have I told you how much I love you lately?  How much I admire you?  How much I treasure you?  Well, I think of you more often than you know, admire you more with each growing step you take and treasure your sweet spirit always.  You are so important.  You may not realize just how important.  It's sometimes hard for us to see ourselves as others see us.  But I see you as beautiful.  No, you're not perfect.  But you're not supposed to be.  Watching you grow from a tiny seed into a beautiful flower is a real treat.  And if I can ever be the water to encourage you to grow, or the sun to warm you, or the shade to cool you, the shelter to protect you..well you know where to find me.  I hope not a day goes by where you feel alone.  Because you aren't.  You're never, ever alone.  I just want to encourage you to keep fighting, keep growing, and to never give up.  You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but I promise, it's there.  If you will move your focus from that which is directly in front of you to that which lies ahead, you will see that His light is there.  He's just one step away.  Soon you will soar on wings of eagles.  Don't grow weary.  You will one day run!

He loves you.  He has not forgotten you.  He knows.  He knows even that which you keep hidden.  And He can help you.  He longs to hold you, if you'll only let Him. 

Until next time..((hugs))

Hi!


Here is the newest update from Jenn on Joshua. As you probably remember, Joshua is fighting Leukemia and doing a bang up job if I do say so myself!


Jenn writes:

Hey everyone, I promised an update on Joshua this week, so here goes!!!!


Gonna recap last week: Thursday he was really sick so we took him for lab work, round of antibiotics and blood cultures. Fever has gone away and has not returned. His counts last week were a little over 500 and his WBC was only at one......Fast forward to today! Took Joshua to rerun his counts this am.....his absolute nutrophil count is continuing to drop. It is now at 216 and his WBC is now at .6!!!! Yes, they are continuing to drop. After speaking with his nurse, we have pulled him off all chemo's for now. He will not receive any type of chemo until further notice. He is not due to be seen in Savannah until the 28th. Now, unless he starts running a fever we can stay right where we are. Otherwise its a race to Savannah. We speak regularly with his oncologist and trust their judgements wholeheartedly. They are not the type to sugarcoat ANYTHING!!! In the meantime, Mason, Owen and Emma have taken on fevers at out house as well and have taken over the beds 24/7 since Monday. My poor little babies!!! On a special note, Darrell and I are celebrating (or should I say remembering) our 8yr. Anniversary today!!!!! Hard to celebrate with sick children........

Please pray for all of us, as we go over yet another hurdle of battles........

Will keep everyone posted.

Jennifer

Camping was great.  Best trip of the year.  Total relaxation.  Great company.  Little drama.  Beautiful surroundings.  And a side trip to Stanley. :)  We enjoyed ourselves soooo much.

Ash and I are feeling a bit cold-ish today.  Hmm We spent the weekend apart..how could this be?  Oh well.  I'm sure we'll be fine.

Dad came up with another name for the new puppy baby this weekend.  PUMPKIN!!!  We love it :)  So, now it's between Pumpkin and Taters.  He says it could be Pumpkin Pie and then if we're mad at her it could just be Pumpkin. haha

Work was lonnnng today.  But it went well, I didn't get yelled at by any customers and we got all of our work done!  Well, minus about 40 emails that I still have to check.  But I got through about 70 so I'm happy.

Had tuna casserole for dinner.  It was delish.  I put chunks of cheese in it so when you take a bite cheese erupts in your mouth.  Sweet Heaven.

Jaden is reading to Chris.  They are giggling a lot and having fun.  J's a really good reader.  Both kids have always really enjoyed books.

I need some chocolate.

Well, I guess I'll go for now.  Hope your weekend was wonderful and that your work week flies by.  Love you mucho and think of you often.  Give yourself a hug from me.  I think I'll go make myself a nice hot cup of tea. 

Until next time...don't forget, you're worth the effort!  ((hugs))

EEE!  My puppy is gonna be a Thanksgiving baby!  As in I get to bring her home on or around Turkey Day!  EARLY Christmas for me!  Ok, I know I said the puppy was for Sadie.  But, well...ok, it's for me. There, I said it!

We have 2 possible names since it's a Thanksgiving baby.  Here they are:

1.  Turkey
2.  Taters

Tell me which one you like.  Chris, of course, hates them both.  No matter.  He said we should name her Cranberry.  But I know if we do, my brother will just forever call her dingleberry.  Funny..but wrong.  LOL!

Life is ummm challenging.  Nothing new there.  Work is ummmm challenging.  Something new there.  Well, new-ish.  I'm too ____ (not sure of the word I'm looking for) to elaborate on it, so I won't.  I'll just say I'm thankful for my job.  And I'm thankful for the upcoming day when I won't need my job.

I'm enjoying the cooler days, when they choose to arrive.  And cherishing the hot days even though I've grown to hate them.  Cherishing them because soon it will be freezing and dark and damp and I will long for a hot sweaty day.  My friend Judy is helping me to enjoy the seasons of life.  I enjoy the seasons of life, but would enjoy them more if they were the seasons I picked and ones that ended and begun at my command.  I realize that has nothing to do with weather.  But, well, it sort of does.  Anyway, I'm not much into this seasons lesson, but growing is good and grow I shall! 

Do you ever just have that deep ache in your soul for Jesus?  I do.  I love my quiet time with Him.  And I long for it like a girl longs for her new boyfriend to call.  So thankful for Him and for the quiet moments we share. 

We leave for camp tomorrow.  And Ash leaves for her camp.  This is our last camp of the year.  Oddly, I'm ok with it.  This year has brought a few changes forth in me.  1. I no longer enjoy 100 degree days.  2.  I only sort of enjoy camping.   Eek, it hurts to even write that.  Maybe it's just a phase.  But, camping just seems like work now.  Why?  I dunno.  Maybe cuz I'm working full time..and that by the time the work week is done, the very last thing I want to do is pack up a portable home into the back of my car and drive 2 hours to a plot of dirt where I will then unload said portable home and proceed to be filthy..cook a lot of subpar meals, sweat a lot and bat off flesh sucking insects..undoubtedly trip in the dark..pee on my shoe and sneeze a lot.  Fun?  Where?  I'm old.

My home is cozy.  I need to paint.

My home is very clean.  I can breathe.

My dog is gorgeous.  She sheds too much.

I've got so many things going on and juggling, although one of my strong suits..makes the arms a bit tired.  I tear up a lot.  And for no reason.  No really, for no reason.  Saying good morning at times can bring on tears.  Or, I'll be telling a story to someone and all the sudden begin to tear up.  Wow.  Jesus take the wheel! LOL

Well, I'm rambling.  But this is a diary of sorts, and it's meant for rambling.

My kids are adorable.  Absolutely adorable.  I love them.  Everyday.  Every way.  Sometimes I don't like them.  But I always, always love them.  Ok I always like them too.  I just don't always like what they do. 

My husband..oh my husband.  Could a husband be any more precious?  I don't think so.  How is it possible that after 14 years I still get butterflies just thinkin about him!  I always thought my Mom was silly when she'd say things like that about my Dad, but now I know..she's not silly.  She's just in love.  She loves him, and she allows him to love her.  That's big.  It's said that your relationship with your spouse (and others) directly reflect ur relationship with God.  OOh..that gives me a lot to work on ladies n gents.

Well, I better get goin.  Lots to do..

But, I love you.  Even if we don't talk as much as we did.  See eachother as much as we used to.  I love you.  I think of you.  I pray for you.  I believe in you.  Don't quit.  You're here for a reason, and the reason doesn't involve giving up.  Be strong, be faithful, and don't forget to take time to listen to His voice.  It's important, and so are you.  ((hugs))

Until next time...please remember that tomorrow isn't just "another day" 

Well, we are (queue Steven Tyler) back in the saddle again.  We've had both the TBQ and JBQ meetings and are all set to start class.  Drama has started back up.  But back to JBQ..we had 11 kids last year on the whole JBQ team..this year we have (drum roll please), TWENTY SEVEN!!!!  Wow, God is good.  I have 2 new kiddos in my class and, one of them is a boy!  Should make J very happy..not that he doesn't enjoy the ladies' company..that is as long as they like to do boy stuff.  Anyway, school started back up this week, too.  Both kids are enjoying it..well until homework time comes and then they remember that it's not so fun.  And neither of them are enjoying spanish class.  I told them they are disgracing their heritage by saying that and that they will learn every last blasted word, with a smile on their face.  And that's that.

So...I'm saving up for a dog :)  My Pastor and his wife breed dogs.  Yorkie's and Havashires (Yorkie Havanese mix).  I'm gonna get a Havashire.  They will be black and brown and I get pick of the litter!  They will be ready in the second week of December.  OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME! :)  Really, I'd be fine without another dog but Sadie really needs company.  And I do love me a lapdog that doesn't make me sneeze.  The new puppy will be only about 4 pounds full grown from what they've said.  This I can handle :)

I spent over 2 hours tonight separating out questions for my JBQ'ers.  We have 10, 20 an 30 point questions this year..and I have the kids separated into 3 teams.  Anyway, I was talking to one of the other coaches tonight and she said she likes to separate out questions in blocks..like all pertaining to Joshua, etc.  So I did that with all the different categories possible.  And then divvied up the rest.  Harder than one may think to make things fair and then decide which team would be best for which set of questions...And making up the teams of 2 was difficult, too.  Especially not knowing how the 2 new kids will do.  But,the good thing is that within a few weeks I should be able to tell who makes a good team and who doesn't...ok this is just me talking out loud and you're probably bored to tears.

Have a great week.  Love you!  Hey you know that person in our life who you love like crazy and would do anything for?  Treat yourself like you treat them.  xoxo



(P.S.  Where did spell check go?  Well just ignore my typos :)  )

Here are a few of my most recent Photoshop edits. Humans aren't my fave so far. But the flowers are fun. The kinda sucky thing is..after I'd saved them I figured out how to make my watermark way smaller. But I can't go back and fix it. I would have to go back and edit them all over again. So I have 3 pics that will forever have my huge name on them. You'll notice the daisy type flower I'm posting has a big watermark and the lilacs have the nice tiny one. Oh well..lessons learned! Maybe one day I'll get ambitious and edit them again..but not this week. I'm gonna make a different one that is just initials. Anyway, I'm trying to get enough flowers done in order to give Jess a set of cards for part of her bday present tomorrow. You'll see if you enlarge the pics that the first one has a line you can see where I did the cut to edit it..the second one doesn't..learning as I go!

So...I'm gonna be an Auntie again :) Can't remember if I ever shared that news on here or not. But, I am. Deanna's preggers again..and we just found out on Thursday that it's a BOY!! So excited. Last I heard, the name shall be Cash. But we never know till it's on the birth certificate, right? :) At any rate, we know he will be a beautiful baby and I'm sure Monet will love being a big sissy to little brother. He is due towards the end of November..Deanna's having a c-section. So I think she said somewhere between the 16th and 21st. We'll have him here for Thanksgiving!

Did I mention that my friend, Kim, has moved back to Idaho?? AND better yet, is moving to KUNA!?!?! If you don't remember, Kim is the one who I plan & bake with for Thanksgiving every year. That quit when I moved to Texas for 2 years..started back up when I moved back and ended when SHE moved to Texas for 2 years (or was it one? I can't remember..felt like 20!). We tried to plan together via email..it just wasn't the same. BUT now she's back and my Thanksgiving baking love has also returned. I can't wait to start planning with her! We've been doing this together since Ash was just a wee little tiny, so it's not a tradition that's easy to let go of.

I've been at the pool almost every day for weeks. Cuz, I love it. And now the water has warmed up..thanks to the HOT temps outside! Unfortunately, this also means everyone else in the sub wants to swim. Oh well..I stay long enough to watch them all come and go..ending up alone again. Love it!

We've been really busy but enjoying pretty much every moment of it. :) Hope your summer is going well, too.

Both kids are doing well, enjoying their friends and we're enjoying their friends' parents! Nice to have a good church family to be close with.

Drama starts again this coming week, so Chris is gearing up for all of the fun that will hold..Bible Quiz starts not long after that and I think Chris might be my co-coach this year for that too, so we will again (still?) be busy little bee's!

We will have our vacation the first week of August..can't wait to get away and just be alone with our little fam. My brother has a LaCrosse tournament where we are going at some point that week so we will probably go to that, or at least part of it. Should be good times! I love watching him play. It's such an awesome sport. But, mostly, we just need this time away to be together and alone with our kidlets.

My left leg is asleep and it hurts to move it. Stupid, stupid leg. Thankful to have it, but it's stupid.

Well, I guess I'll be going. Love you, you're important and special and unique and made with purpose!

Until next time...

My first attempt at PhotoShop..kinda fun! I haven't had time to play with it much since this picture, but look forward to a day when I do have time. The first picture is the original and the second picture is the one I played with. Thanks Heather for helping me learn such a seemingly tough program!

Softball game tonight..it's a warm one out there folks! Hope you're all enjoying your week. Love you, love you. Be good to you, you're valuable property!

Ok..my friend Jen blogged today so I feel that I must follow suit. Truth is I've been thinkin about you guys a lot lately, just haven't had the energy to regurgitate my days onto cyber paper.

Our friend Lani is in town for the weekend, we got to spend time with her, her 2 kiddies and her Mom last night. Had a lot of fun. We can be apart for years but it's like no time has passed. I miss my friend :( It was sad to say goodbye last night. Heart was heavy. *sigh*

There is still no A/C at work. Was 93* in there yesterday. 'Nuff said. Really. You don't want me to go there. It's not safe. I'd have to duct tape my brain in place so it didn't explode all over you if I even dared elaborate any more on the A/C..or lack there of.

Today is the 4th of July and I can't help but think of how long and hard people fight for our freedom, and sometimes at a significant cost. Whether in uniform or just the average Joe making a difference in his state, city, town, neighborhood, family. I appreciate you!

We're all fighting for something whether we realize it or not. In every decision we make, we are fighting for a freedom. Which freedom are you fighting for at this moment? Is it something that truly deserves freedom? Or should there maybe be a re-evaluation? Do we really want to "free" all that we desire? And, more importantly, are our desires for certain freedoms aligned with His Word? Just thoughts I have...

The house is a flippin disaster. Late at night, or I should say very early in the morning..I think, I need to get this place spiffed up! And I make all these plans in my head and get all excited. To the point where I almost decide sleep is overrated and jump out of bed to conquer! But I don't. And then by the time I wake up the next morning, the desire has turned into dread. I know..dread not. And, yep, I've read the book.

Miss my husband. He's down at the fireworks booth. He loves to be there. That's fine. I just miss him.

We tend to get very busy. It's always been this way. Every moment is filled with something..a commitment..something fun..something not so fun..etc. But there is always something. I'm at the point right now where I want to erase the whiteboard of commitments in my head and enjoy a day where I can blissfully enjoy peace and quiet. I know..I can enjoy that even when the storm rages around me. But I want a day where it's quiet and the birds sing and the iced tea is sitting near me..the sun is softly shining down as I leisurely read a book. My kids are laying in the grass looking at the clouds with the Dog and my husband is cuddled next to me in the hammock. This is the place I go to when everything overwhelms. I spend a lot of time there lately. (Oh and by the way in my "happy place" we are on a sprawling 400 acre piece of breathtaking land..and there are daisies growing randomly everywhere..I could go on.)

Life is good..always good. Even when it's sprinkled with dung, it's good. Things are challenging. But I remind myself often that Life is change, growth is optional. That God has me here in this very moment, in this very spot, for a reason. And it's a good reason. And instead of day dreaming of where I want to be, I should enjoy where He has me at this very instant..learn..absorb..grow. Chances are if we are in a spot where we don't want to be, there is a lesson to be learned. And until we submit to the refining, the work will never be finished. Before we know it we will be in the desert for 40 years. I don't want that.

Listening to Kari Jobe's version of The More I Seek You. It's my favorite version. I love her voice.

I have a goal..I know, go figure. Sometimes I think I'm the queen of goals. But, hey, how else can you reach a goal?? You can't make cookies if you refuse to make (or in some cases buy ;) ) the dough! Anyway. My goal..which is unreachable on my own (which is my favorite kind) is to be able to stay home full time with my family by the time the kids finish the next summer break. So by the time they finish this coming school year and then the summer vacation after that. What would that be..umm September 2010. This is approximately a full year BEFORE we will be debt free, according to the charts. This is impossible by the standards we are living in now. So, I'm just asking for your prayers and your agreement in this. We want to home school the kids and working makes that difficult. Not impossible by any means, but difficult. And not the best scenario. But, I know that with Him all things are possible.

My niece turns 1 tomorrow. Wow how time flies! I hope to have more time with her in the coming year. I've been all but cut out of my other niece and nephews' lives and I hate it. I don't want that for Monet. I want to be her favorite Auntie!!

Do I sound mopey today? I'm not. Not really. I feel pretty joyful actually! I just have a lot of sound bytes running through my head today. This is what happens when I have a quiet morning to think, and when I finally sit down to blog. Voila! NOVEL! :) I am PMS'ing..so really it's a roller coaster. But we've all been on this ride together before, so this should be no surprise to you ;)

I love you. I love the parts of you that you're scared to show. I love the growth potential in you that you fear to water. I love your smile. I love your hugs. I love your moments of inspiration and pray you let those moments multiply. Don't waste your life. You weren't created to go to waste. You were created to thrive! So show the beauty you're hiding..water the potential and drown out the fear. You are worth the effort! How do I know? I know, because I've met your Father..and in His book he speaks very, very highly of you ;) Rumor has it that His banner over you proclaims "LOVE!" to the world. Yep, you're pretty special.

Take care of yourself. We'll chat soon. ((hugs))

We've been bustin tail in the yard the past few days. Last weekend Chris mowed (takes a lonnnnng time, our yard is deceivingly large). The kids and I worked in the back yard raking up all the bark and chucking it into the trashcan. Chris and I had started this the week before but had to stop once we'd filled the huge trashcan. The kids and I filled it again this last weekend. SO MUCH CRAPPIN BARK. Anyhoo..a few sunburns and blisters later the yard was ready for the curbing, which went in today! The curbing guy told us today that we shouldn't touch it for two days..we're like "Oh, yeah, ok! No prob!" As soon as he left we pulled out the weed barrier and went to work. ;) I figure I paid for the stinkin curbing,I can screw it up if I feel like it! Anyhoo we got it all laid out and staked down AND without even one scratch to the tender curbing! Woohoo! Tomorrow my new tree will arrive and be planted, and my huge pile of permabark will be piled up in my driveway. Tomorrow night we will spread the permabark out over the flower beds. It will be beautious! Painful but beautious! My bro and Laura came out tonight and brought us the wheel barrow (or wheel barrel as Chris calls it..also may be called wheel burrow..whatever, I think it's barrow) and measured for our trellis thing he's gonna put up..and for my garden thingy! (refusing paragraph usage so far..just don't want to) Anyhoo..by the end of the week I should have a beautious back yard, finally :) Then I will just need to get a few big pots for flowers and then some climbing things for the trellis so it will eventually be covered in beautious foliage and flowers! Oh and I'll need to go get some horse crap from the farm so I can get my garden going..there's always more to do, but at least the big stuff will be done. I don't think I'll be able to get a fountain this year for the back yard but who knows. As usual, donations are welcome! ;)

Ok I made a paragraph. Proud? Anyhoo..we're all itching super bad to get out camping..so far we can't find a free weekend which fries me. But, never fear, we will find a weekend! We will find plenty of them! I claim it! :)

Please pray for my friend Judy, she had her gallbladder out last week and is healing well but slowly. There was quite a bit of scarring around the gallbladder so the recovery has been painful. Please just pray that everything functions as it should and that she back to 100% soon! She's too amazing of a person to be stuck in bed. Somehow even though she's not around she still finds a way to bless everyone. I just adore her.

Mom's bday is on Monday, I get off early from work that day too! Anyway, we're doin her bday party on Sunday. Should be fun! Hope the weather is nice. Saturday Chris is goin out with his buddy Jason all day for movies and lunch and stuff. Then he's gonna come home and test his first batch of wings with some of our buddies. Will be a busy weekend but a good one. I think while he's gone on Sat I will spiff up the house all nice, Lord knows it needs it! And, maybe I'll go down to The Wild Ivy and see if I can spend my gift certificate..haha..of course I can! And, I should be able to find something for my Mom's bday there, too.

Kids are well, Dog is well, we've still got one bird as of now, and Chris and I are well too!

Take care ((hugs))

Words for today: Beautious and Anyhoo

So I haven't blogged in about 30 years..sorry!

Things have been hectic, but that's always the case! I find that by the end of the night I'm to exhausted too put two words together much less a blog!

J got accepted into the charter school for next year so we are really excited about that. Both kids will go there next year and then they will start homeschool the year after that..A's 9th grade year and J's 3rd grade year.

Ash had her last TBQ match for this "year" and did great. She came in 5th overall and 2nd in something else, and then their team came in 2nd as well I believe. We were/are so proud of her and the team. They did an awesome job, and the awards ceremony was great! We had teams in from Idaho, Washington, Montana and I think Oregon. Can't remember if they were there or not to be truthful.

I'm laying here with a fever..feel fine from the below the lungs down, have a sinus infection from the lungs up! Stupid post nasal drip kills me every spring and my lungs always take the brunt of it. Not sure why the fever has popped up. But it ticks me off cuz now I can't go to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll go to a doc in the box or something.

We are getting some landscaping done..they are finishing our fence and doing some curbing around the flower beds. Then we will lay down weed barrier and get perma bark. My brother is gonna build us a wooden awning for the patio. Can't wait till it's all done.

The school year is almost over and I'm so happy. The kids are, too..for now. Of course one week in they will be saying they're bored and miss all of their friends. Hey, that's what kids do!

Chris is out with his church buds tonight. They went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and then to see the new Star Trek movie. They're pretty excited. I'm excited to catch it on BluRay when it comes out..in the comfort of my own home and without the crowds and Trekkies!

Well, I'm gonna go. Sorry this blog isn't more exciting. I'll try to be better with this.

Love you mucho!

Just a quick hello to you guys! It's another busy weekend. I'll post some pics for you soon, I promise! This weekend I'm going on a death hike with my friend Val. I'll be sure to blog about that adventure. Maybe I'll even have pics to post..if my noodle arms r strong enough to take a picture. Just pray for me. LOL We're hiking up some "hill" by Lucky Peak. owww

Love you!!

Thought I'd post a pic of the office with it's pretty new paint! It's much cozier. It has a bit of a mauve undertone to it...sometimes. We plan on getting other things to decorate with, but not till later this month. My bro is also going to build us a desktop that will span the entire wall where the existing desk is now. That way we will be able to hide the printer and filing cabinet under it w/o wasting room space. I'd still like to get a cozy chair for the office, too, but we'll see...much further down the road :)

The drama group parents all had a meeting today after church and we've collectively voted to not attend this years Nationals competition in Florida. We will instead all start saving now in order to go next year. We don't know which state it will be in, but we are definitely going. Much easier to plan for next year now, instead of trying to come up with 4k for our family to go in August! That was gonna be a bit tight.

We've got a lot of yard work to do in the back yard (and a bit in the front) this summer. I'm gearing up for it now. It's going to take some serious dedication, but it will be worth it. And, I'm excited for the results. I've also got some more painting I want to get done inside, just haven't decided on colors yet. Have some other things we are wanting to do inside, too..just a matter of money and time. Ok, mostly money. haha But if you don't have goals you can't ever expect to meet them!

Pastor always says "You deserve whatever you put up with." And it's so true. SO TRUE. And, obviously that can be a good or bad thing..depends on what you're putting up with ;)

Went and paid the Starbucks back today. What a bunch of sweeties. It's hard to leave a Starbucks and not feel cheery.

Had Chronic Tacos for lunch..hmm..it was ok. No Chipotle, but good. I don't think anyone can beat Chipotle. Delish!! Chris got the fish taco and said it was really good. I got the carne asada taco..didn't taste like carne asada, but ok. J got chicken taquitos, they were good. They do give big portions, I'll give them that! And, they offered cilantro and lime as "toppings", so that was a big plus. But, I think it's a sin to serve Coke with mexican food. I firmly believe that Pepsi is the only soda that should ever be served or consumed with Mexican food (over crushed ice please). And, they served Coke. I yelled at Chris from the drink booth (he was paying), "COKE?!? They serve COKE?!?" *sigh* It's fine..better than urine. But not by much.

My sweet puppy is laying at my feet. Being soft and cozy and sweet. I'm thinkin about getting another pup. My Pastor and his wife breed dogs. They have Yorkies, Havanese and then a mix between the 2. I'm thinkin of getting one of the mixes. We'll see :) I like lapdogs (Sadie thinks she's a lapdog but she's not)..and these don't shed which is loverly. Plus they're adorable. So, we'll see..

Well, I'm gonna go upstairs to hang out with my sweetheart. Choose to make it a great day!

Love you :)

Well last night I had a Pampered Chef party here at the house. It was super fun! Chris helped Renee with her presentation and did a great job! I told them they should be a cousin PChef team!

Then this morning I got up and went to work for a few hours. Whoever works on Saturday works alone. It's really nice to have a quiet 3 hours. This morning was especially great. The phone only rang twice I think, and only one LiveChat..I turned on my playlist and enjoyed the tunes while I picked and packed orders. It was a really nice morning. Then on the way home I stopped by Starbucks to get me and hubby some drinks .. pulled up to the window only to realized I had NO FORM OF PAYMENT! I was so embarrassed. The guy, being yet another fabulous 'Bucks employee gave me the drinks for free. I swear, other businesses could really learn a lot from Starbucks' customer service team. Whoever heads that up is fantastic. And not just cuz I got free drinks. They are always great. Always. I'm gonna go back and pay for the drinks, but I just thought that was so sweet of him.

Anyhooooo..I got home and Chris had prepped the office for our painting fun. We turned up the tunes, sipped on our drinks and painted our little hearts out! Had an awesome time. While we were doin that the kids went out and pulled weeds. They had a "great" time! LOL

While we were painting, Chris had a turkey and brats chili simmering. After we were done painting I made some queso, and some fresh guac. Chris made a delish vanilla cake with orange zest in it. Then for the frosting he mixed coolwhip and sour cream together, and then for the topping we had fresh strawberries and chopped nuts. AMAZING. Anyway, he also smoked some chicken wings up today. My bro came over and we're hanging out havin fun. Watched the basketball game, and the kiddos ride bikes..now we're getting ready to Rockband.

It's been a great day. Gotta go so I can shred the bass. Can you shred the bass or only the guitar? hmm Well either way I'm gonna play :)

Love you..have a great weekend!

Happy Sunday!

No one's puking! No one's feverish! We're off to church :)

Hope you all have a great day, looks to be cloudy here. Rumor has it there was a huge storm overnight that kept a few people I know awake. Ummm, not I! Slept right thru it.

Turkey dinner turned out delish lastnight..it was a hit all around! Always like it when that happens.

Get to watch the Drama group do their thang tonight at church (and a preview today after church service), can't wait!

Well, I better go hop in the shower..Love you!

We got up and got ready for Ashley's competition today. I finished getting ready so I went in to take J's temp and help him with his clothes. His temp was gone, we were excited I told him, "good job!" He said, thanks and that his head still hurt. I picked out a shirt and turned to look at him and he said he felt like he was going to throw up..and his face was transparent, lips blue. Crap. I tell him to go the bathroom then. So off he goes..and off Chris and Ash go to the competition, leaving J and I behind. I tell them maybe I can drive down and see Ash's 2 performances with J and then leave. Hoping he'll feel better in an hour or so. They left at 7:45 and her performances were at 9:38 and 10:49 (or something like that) and only lasted a few minutes each. So we could get there watch everything and be back home for him to rest again in an hours time. But, he was still dry heaving at 9:20 when we would have had to leave for the first performance, and then sleeping heavily when we would have had to leave for the second performance. No need to tell you I spent most of the morning crying (is it still morning?). Poor J looked absolutely HORRIBLE, there was no way I would have been able to drag him down there, and I knew that. Mom's can't be two places at once, I realize that. But 99.9% of the time I somehow figure out how to accomplish being two places at once anyway. Not this time. I can't believe I missed it. I just can't believe it.

I'm still congested and sound horrible. J just came down and asked for more food, he finished his cheerios. How is it that when the babies are sick they somehow instantly lose all of their body weight and muscle? Poor kid looked like he hadn't been fed in weeks. I told him lets wait for a little bit and then we'll try some more food. Thankfully, at least if he's still sick tomorrow night we can still go to church. We can just set him up somewhere where he can lay down and rest. But I hope that won't be the case.

Anyway, Chris has texted a few times throughout the day and they are having a blast. He said our teams did AMAZING. So proud of them. And, I'm so happy he's getting to do what he loves again in teaching/being part of a drama team. He's really missed that. And, the kids all seem to absolutely adore him. Then again, what's not to adore :)

I'm making a big turkey dinner for Chris and Ash..and peach cobbler for dessert. My recent attempts (and by recent I mean the last 3 years) in the kitchen have been abysmal, but I'm hoping today will be different. Please, God, throw me a bone! :)

I'm listening to Jason Upton..I know, big surprise. But, it was "funny" cuz I sat down and "You Are Not Alone" came on (on my playlist if you want to/need to hear it, too (: ). Hmm fitting, I think. Thank you, Father. When people let us down, when life lets us down..You are always there to remind us that we are NEVER alone.

I am crazy in love with my dog. She drives me nuts. But I truly can't tell you how much joy she brings to my life. She never leaves. Never.

The sun is out today and it's beautiful. Not too cold, although not warm enough to sit in the sun. But it's nice to have the light in my home. It's been such a long, dark and dreary winter. It's been one of the hardest winters for me yet. I really, really, really had to fight to stay above water. So, I'm very thankful for the sunshine today. I'll take it as a gift :) Because, it is.

I hope that whatever you are doing today, that you remember to look up and out of your circumstances and try to view the big picture. Our lives are a quilt, and a beautiful one. With all different hues and shapes and stitching. Every moment is a square, what squares will you add today?

There's this little line at the end of Habakkuk that says: "For the director of music. On my stringed instruments." This is not an unusual ending, it's given in other parts of the Bible as well. But Habakkuk writes in this book of his struggles to understand why God does what He does, and allows what He allows..it's a great dialogue..and in the end he comes to the conclusion that he can, no matter the circumstance, trust God with and through ever circumstance. And for some reason as I was reading it one day those last few words just popped at me and I started to think...I am a stringed instrument..what music am I playing? WHO's music am I playing..and who am I allowing to be MY Director?.... Just before the last line, the clump of scriptures are:

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

---

I have written in my Bible all over this page:

"I will play for you Lord, the song You want to hear, strum my strings & I will sing Your song forever. To be Your instrument is my greatest desire. I am Yours.

Though the song He's playing may sound sad now, it's still beautiful. Your cheerful song is coming. All of His music is beautiful when the instrument is willing. Be willing to play His tune for Him.

I want the song of my life to be remembered lovely & pure, for that to happen I must let the Master play me.

Rejoice - The Lord is doing something - your harvest is coming, AND, it won't be even a second late!"

--

On days like today, and winters like this winter, and months like this when finances are weak at best, and years like these when everything is unsure, I look back at this page in my Bible and remember that no matter WHAT, I CAN rejoice and I CAN be assured that the song/quilt being written/sewn for me by the Master is beautiful, and has purpose. I need not try to write my own music, or patch together my own quilt. Because the Master has offered to do it for me, if I will allow Him. Why settle for an amateurs work, when you can have the Masters? Here's to soaring on the notes of my lifesong, and appreciating the beauty of my lifequilt.


I love you always and forever..but you know that :)

P.S. Just in case you're wondering..I like to imagine myself to be a cello...resting upon the chest of the Savior while He wraps his arms around me and plays my heartstrings. :)

So...I'm sick. Real sick. If you don't know this already, you've been living under a rock. Because, I've been whining and complaining about it like a man. hahaha Anyhoo, I've got a fever (for 2 days), lungs hurt (usual for me when I'm sick), headache, eyes burn, body kills..all the fun stuff. Oh and my nose is all raw and coughing feels like someones stabbing me with hot daggers. I've been quarantined in my bedroom since yesterday at 3:15. it's now 8:05pm. That's almost 29 hours people. 29 hours in bed. These are moments mothers dream of. How come we never get them without sickness? hmm Well, I suppose it's true, be careful what you pray for..or pray in detail. haha No more "Lord I need a break, I don't care how it comes, I need a break." From now on, I will pray, "Lord I need a break. I nice Fijian break with plenty of money and no "stuff" to deal with when we get home. Amen."

Ash and Chris seem to be totally over the sickness, and never got it like I have. Jaden still has a nasty cough and a headache, but no fever. He always gets a nasty cough when he gets sick though, so not unexpected really.

The drama team seems to be slowly getting better. A lot of them have had this sickness too..they have a huge competition this weekend so we've been praying they'd be well. And, it looks like they will be! Maybe not 100%, but close!

Chris' Gma is home now, in case you didn't hear. From what we hear, she's doing well. Thanks for the prayers.

It's so hard to type with punctuation on this laptop!!! I'm constantly either typing like a 1st grader, or having to go back and delete all the time.

It must be a nice day out. I finally opened the blinds and the window awhile back and I'm not freezing!

The kids are on spring break this week. They're "not doin anything fun, just playing" Oh no. Horrible. Could be in rice fields workin their fingers to the bone. Maybe they'd have fun with THAT. Kids. I understand that it would be fun to go to activities and things. But good Lord.

Have I complained enough? Sheesh.

I watched a Doris Day movie (Send Me No Flowers) today..and also Steel Magnolias. YAY! I loved it.

I stayed home from work today and will miss tomorrow, too. Ash has her competition on Saturday so please keep her and the team in your prayers! We're so excited to watch our team compete and cheer them on!

Have a good night guys. Love you!

Hey everyone. I talked to my mom this morning and found out my grandma was admitted to the hospital last night with phneumonia. Please keep my grandparents in your prayers.

Thanks all. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Here we are..another day :) But THIS day involves SUN! And a wee bit of warmth! Ok, it's not really warm. But it's not freezing. And it's progress people, it's progress. Before long I will be sitting on my back patio with ice tea, in a tank top that's too small matched with shorts that are too tight, BBQ smokin, and telling Chris, "It's kinda hot..we better go inside." THAT WILL BE FAB!!

Can't decide if I'm gonna do a Cinco De Mayo party this year. It would be the first year in a long time we don't do it, but I'm just not sure I want to. I mean I want to, but do I WANT to. I'll think about it. I'd rather have it than go somewhere else to have it. But last years brought so much stress, even though it turned out great. Maybe I'll scale it down and just make everything on my own instead of having to rely on others to do things. That's where my stress always comes in. I don't want the help but everyone always wants to help. Which only makes it worse for me even though they think they are making it easier. I'm talking in circles..thinking out loud..let's move on.

J is having fun with plastic bugs. He's got them all spread out on the carpet behind me. I'm not real into that whole deal, but I keep quiet. It's his joy, who am I to steal it.

We're prolly havin nachos for dinner. Can't decide. Chris said nachos or tacos..to me I can't see the difference between the two..both are delish and involve the same ingredients.

I'm feeling a bit better today than I was yesterday (or whenever the last blog was). Had some good worship time on the way to work this morning..good start to a long day. Also got a super good devo from Pastor Laurie today. Passed it on to a few folk..if you want it and didn't get it let me know.

Well, I'm afraid I don't have much to share. Oh..I did talk to Mom. She said that the doctors think they can just do spot radiation on Al's L5 (section of his spine) and hopefully that will help. I guess Jackie took him into the ER last night, he was in excruciating pain, none of the drugs they were giving him were helping at all. She thought she was gonna lose him. But, he's still here. Thank God. And, from the sounds of it, not in as much pain so that's a good thing.

I'm off to assist with dinner and hopefully steal a QUIET moment with my man while we brown the meat and shred the cheese for our din din.

Love you love you

I'm exhausted. People look at me, not sure if they should approach (truly). I quickly do my task, wherever/whatever it may be, and then quietly slink out as not to be noticed, bothered, talked to or smiled at. I just want to be done, go home, be swallowed up in my husbands arms, feel his lips kiss mine, tuck the kids in, hug the dog & tell her how much Momma loves her, go to bed and SLEEP.

Today I ran non-stop from 7am until after 9pm. Spent most of Bible study tonight fighting sleep and tears. Chris had to shove me to make me open my eyes and lovingly reminded me that I was not allowed to sleep through the study. Ok honey, I won't. No reflection on pastor of course..we're in Revelation right now and it's riveting, honestly. But my body is just not wanting to cooperate.

Val and I are going to hike up and down Tablerock in April. She asked if I'd go, and so I will. It may kill me, but I will. I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm going to wear depends just in case I lose all bodily functions..which is highly likely. :)

Mom called tonight before church and let me know that our friend Al (he married us and my parents) who has been like a father to my parents, and a grandfather to us kids (he and his wife are our Godparents) got a "bad" diagnosis..his prostate cancer has now spread to his spine. He's in quite a bit of pain, but of course, has a great attitude. He first found out he had cancer just a few days after he married Chris and I in 1995. He's been fighting it off and on since then. They are going to get him on radiation again and maybe some chemo again. Breaks my heart. Absolutely breaks it. The only thing that makes this better is that through everything he only loves the Lord more. And that shall he lose this battle on earth, he will win the battle spiritually and spend eternity with our Father in Heaven. And, that one day we will see each other again. But, please be praying for him..and for the rest of us..and especially for his wife, Jackie.

I got an update from Tina on Mercy. She is gaining some feeling back in her legs and feet but in the form of excruciating pain. Tina says that depression is something Mercy is fighting right now, as is to be expected. I'm sure that becoming paralyzed is much like mourning a death. Because in a sense, it is. So..please be praying for her, too.

Chris and Ash are still sick and now J is feeling icky too. I'm still doing well. Taking all of my vitamins like a good girl and drinking lots of water.

Swede (my friend and counselor) asked me the other night while we were chatting on Facebook when I'm going to let him help me get "in shape"..biking, running, etc. I wanted to say, "Promptly after I castrate you." But, I didn't. I just said a firm "NEVER". And then we continued to fight back and forth until I agreed to a walk around the park :) (If you're reading this, Swede, I would never castrate you. haha) Anyway, his main goal is to get me to sweat because he knows that I have a huge sweat phobia. I absolutely hate sweat and sweatING. He's like my brother in that he does bike racing and skiing and all that crazy crap. It makes me tired to think of it. I love that he enjoys it. But I truly don't believe that all of us need to enjoy the same things. I told him that I'd be more than happy to sweat with him as we hammer the tar out of tiles in the summer to make mosaics. He didn't reply. hmm


After talking with him, as usual, I am emotionally drained. That man has a way of ripping your whole world apart while you're both laughing..and you don't realize he's done it till 5 minutes after you've left his presence. As he says, he enjoys my pain. ;) But, it's good..he's always making me stretch. His 3 questions for me are always:

1. How is your heart? (no one word answers allowed..believe me, I've tried)
2. 3 part question: What are you doing to grow spiritually, emotionally and physically?
3. What are you're goals to make your life even BETTER and MORE exciting?

Some might think..well you could easily BS through those questions. Um, if you think that, then you haven't met Swede. LOL

So, I answered the questions for him..and now I'm searching myself to see where I am truly growing..where I am becoming stagnant..and where I am moving backwards. Ugh..tears well up in my eyes instantly just thinking about it.. It could be the exhaustion. I'm just not sure I have any more energy to devote to anything, much less myself. That's not a pity party, it's just true. I'm all tapped out.

But, just when I feel I have no more to give, I am reminded that I need to go back to the well for my filling. If I am feeling empty, it is because I have not taken the time to fill my cup with The Word. Yes, I read my Bible daily. But, do I really devote time to being filled or do I just read the words. Sometimes, I just read the words. And it is when I let those "sometimes" turn into "most of the times" that I find myself empty. So..as Stephen Curtis Chapman would say, "I'm divin in". No earthly thing can fill me like my Savior can fill me. And, as the world and those around me continually fail me time and time again and in mass numbers..there is One who will never and has never failed me. And that is my Jesus. Never once. So where else would I possibly turn, but to Him. He's never left, he's still here.

Jason Upton says in one of his songs (it's a longer quote, but I'll just write part of it), "It's like the Father's saying, I'm in the same place now as I was the first time I called you. I'm not moving around, I'm right here." We just have to take that step. He's just one step away, and if we will be willing to take that step into His presence, all of the outside worries and concern will melt away. But we (I) get so caught up in the day to day living that I let that simple truth be washed away. How silly I am.

I love these lyrics:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

--------

The part that got me the other morning was: "Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough." Ouch. I mean I'll just let that grab you as it does. I don't need to put my thoughts into it. Just ponder it. It's pretty heavy stuff.

I find that a question I feel He asks me often is "Why" WHY do you want that...WHY are you striving for that...WHY did you let that bother you..WHY are you holding onto that..WHY don't you let Me do that..and I have to say that the answers usually come pretty quickly. Because, if I truly am focused on HIM (the Father) and HIS word, the rest of my life falls into place. It is when I go off on my own that I run into hurts and troubles and frustrations. It's like me trying to perform surgery on someone. I have no business doing it, that's why we let the professionals do it. They are much better equipped to perform surgery than we are. Same thing with life..why are we constantly trying to prove that we can do it all on our own, when we are simply not qualified to do so? *sigh* Human nature I suppose.

Anyway..I've chatted long enough. It's 10:27 and I have no idea if I'm even awake at this moment.

I love you..now is not the time to get comfortable in your life..don't let yourself get in the way of all that He has planned for you. His plans are much better than yours..why settle for a mediocre life when you can have a FABULOUS life in Him?

g'night.

Ran into Aunt Diane at Winco this afternoon, how fun was that! We always run into Renee (her daughter) there, so it was kinda funny. ANyway, we had a good chat in the produce aisle and then later in the store she scared the sin right out of me in one of the other aisles.

I needed to get fresh berries for the cake Chris is making with the kids tonight (J brought home the recipe), and then for the cake I am making for my bro and Laura. We're having a combo party for them. Matt wanted white cake with white frosting..so I'm making that. We decided on that before it became a combo party so I don't know what kind of cake Laura would have preferred. SO, I'm making chocolate covered strawberries, too. BUT, I am getting off track. What I wanted to tell you was that Winco had NO berries of ANY kind. NOTHING. Weird, right? I had to go to Pauls to get them. Just what I want to do after grocery shopping, go to ANOTHER store. Lame. But, I got them and they're pretty and no doubt much better than anything Winco would have offered had they not been too busy sucking.

Carolyn is comin into town tonight, yay!! Looking forward to spending time with her. She'll be there for the bday party tomorrow obviously, and then we're hoping to have a lot of time with her this weekend, too. Haven't seen her in a year or so I think. Maybe a bit longer.

Anyhoo..decided I need a break from Facebook. Too much time. Annoying. I'll go back to it next week but I'm taking tomorrow and the weekend off. It's so much more difficult to try to find everything that's going on there. Myspace it's just a quick sign in and you can easily see what's up and then sign off should you choose. Facebook takes 15 minutes to get through all the random crap to see what anyone's really doing beyond planting trees and adopting forests and feeding fish and whatever else they can find to do to get them back to adolescence. Not that I haven't engaged a few times myself. ;) haha

Today was SO slow at work. It crawwwwwwwled. Hoping sales pick up, and quick. We've been doing really well but today..good Lord did we tank. I was able to get caught up on quite a few things and then do a couple extra things that they have been wanting me to do. I still have tons of stuff to catch up on but hopefully we will get busier and I won't have the time! I'd rather be behind and in a job than all caught up and fired. :)

Chris made a delish dinner tonight..tortellini's with zucchini, squash, broccoli, cauliflower, onions, celery and possibly something else. Anyway, I love it that way. Then we had salad and french bread. Yum :)

Well, I better go. J's comin down to read to me and then we have to study Bible Quiz together. Saturday is his last quiz for the year! Or..for the sort of year. It's kind of like school..starts back up after school gets back in, or sometime around there.

Have a great night! Love ya

My dog is beautiful.

We had a delish dinner tonight. Turkey burgers with bacon and cheeeeeese and potato salad. :) I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doin and added too much mustard and a bit too much mayo..Dave would love it. I had to eat quickly to keep from gagging. But, never fear, I'll be down there tonight getting a big bowl of it. :)

Had a long HOT shower tonight..contemplated being an Avon consultant again and then dismissed it. Then contemplated shaving my head to keep from having to wash my hair..dismissed that thought as well. Then contemplated eating the rest of the cookies I made the other night..dismissed (but up for further debate). Contemplated staying in the shower till the hot water ran cold, but that's a horrible way to end a shower..dismissed. Contemplated getting out of the shower to grab a new bar of soap cuz the one I had was super tiny..that would be cold. Dismissed. Contemplated, again, selling a kidney (and maybe one of the dogs') so I could get to Fiji. Dismissed. Contemplated getting out of the shower to get Chris' razor so I could shave my legs (not head, that was already dismissed.), but that means I'd have to stop standing in the shower doing nothing. Dismissed. Contemplated turning the water off and getting out of the shower to help save the earth. Dismissed, I like showers. Contemplated yelling for Chris so I could have someone to chat with about contemplations. Remembered I locked the bathroom door. Dismissed. I could go on with this for forever, but I'll stop.

It's cold in the game room. I'm covered up in a blankey, it's not helping. COLD!

Chris is helping Ashley with math. It makes me want to hurt myself, and others. I detest learning math. And she detests it. I feel her severe irritation. It transfers to my body instantly. I try to pretend that I'm not irritated for her. I smile. I stay silent. But we both know that it blows..and that Heaven can't come soon enough.

I'm excited for summer. Not sure if I've mentioned that.

Think I'm gonna have to re-evaluate the cookie decision. mmmyep, it's re-evaluated. I won't eat ALL of them. Just more than I probably should. Tomorrow's blog will be on the pitfalls of gluttony.

Until then..know I love you.

Last night after work Chris had plans to go out with his buds, so he dropped the kiddos off to me at work. I had to work till 5 because it was a cleaning the grandparent's house day. Anyway, the kids wanted to go do something and so I called my Mom to see what they were up to for the evening. She said come on over and she'd feed us. So, we did! She made fried boneless chicken cutlets and rice pilaf and a delish salad. I brought a tuxedo cake from Fred Meyer for dessert (it was delish)! Dad came down from workin upstairs and we all ate..then chatted and watched part of Big Daddy. Then the kiddos and I headed home. Got home by 8:30..read some books with the kids and looked at J's homework and then sent them off to bed. I tried to wait up for Chris but failed around 11:40. He said he got home around midnight. Dang! Oh well.

Then we got up this morning and talked for awhile in bed about our nights and then had to get up and get ready for our mornings. Chris had to go to a drama practice for awhile and I had to work for awhile. Afterwards the kids and I came home and got Chris, we went and rented the Chihuahua movie, got some lunch and came home. Quickly after lunch I fell asleep in my cozy chair and Chris watched one of his shows. The kids did their chores. As usual, they have maybe 30 minutes worth of chores and have managed to spread them out over 3 1/2 hours (so far). Ridiculous. But, whatever. I think they might be done soon. We'll see.

Chris found out a few minutes ago that, although I am a Kevin Costner fan, I have not seen Dances With Wolves (I haven't seen a lot of his movies to be truthful). He's dumbfounded and says I have to watch it. He's recording it. I don't like Mary McDonnell (or whatever her name is) at all and she's in it..ick. But whatever, I'll watch it anyway. I saw a small part today where they were throwing sugar into the coffee mugs. Funny :) I doubt the rest of the movie is really all that funny. I don't like western movies for the most part..or war movies. For example, Born on the 4th of July..I'd rather have my toenails ripped out than sit through that again.

Ashley has made herself some dice shoes. She has big hard dice..the size of the dice you see in cars. And she has taken shoelaces and attached them to the bottoms of her feet. She's having a great time. I'm silently hoping she doesn't break her ankles. I figure all kids need some excitement..and this happens to be hers. haha (just fyi..btw..I don't like to use the word "die" I like to use the word "dice")

J is having fun of his own, rearranging the game closet. He doesn't want any ones help. He says he wants to make room for some more of "our stuff".

I've eaten only 2 Samoa's today. That's good, right? Much healthier than eating 2 SamoaN's. hahaha. Ok I'm probably in need of meds. But that was funny to me.

Ahh, turns out J is rearranging the closet because he's hoping to get paid. In this house you don't get paid for doing chores..you're part of the family, you act like it. But if you go above and beyond what a family member would be responsible for doing, you become eligible for some allowance (or Gallo Giro tacos if it's ME heehee).

Sometimes kids are like a swarm of bees. Loud, invasive, annoying and deadly. The kids are now officially done with their chores and are looking a lot like bees. We better entertain them before they overtake us completely.

Have a great weekend. Loves to you!

Getting tired of being so busy all the time. ALL THE TIME. I'm thankful to have a full life. But I would love to have a vacation, far from everything. Went on a small one with Val tonight in her blog..thanks for the journey :)

I'm cranky.
PMS'ing: check.
Tired: check.
Short fused: check.
Jerk: check.
Zombie: check, but not hungry for your flesh.

I am a person who thrives on routine. I always wanted to be spontaneous, and was to a certain extent..as long as it didn't interfere with my routine. LOL Anyway, I'd like to plan 14 weeks in Fiji as part of my "routine". Why 14? I don't know. Just sounds good. And not as drastic as the original thought of 14 years.

Told Chris I was leaving again the other day. He again reminded me that I can't b/c that would mean he would be left behind. I again reminded him that I would send for him. He still said no. hmm. Fine. And, yes, I always assure him that of course I will never leave..and he assures me that he knows. :) It's just a long standing threat Jess and I give to our loved ones. haha Our poor husbands.

I really think that Summer (and my period, for the safety of those around me LOL) just needs to come quickly. I cannot stand this winter drizzle dark crap any freakin more. It leaves every year and spring comes without fail and summer follows, again without fail. But, never soon enough. Today at work as Chase and I were watching the hail storm, I asked him why this was happening. He said that God did it. I said, "But I asked God for sunshine! What happened?" He giggled and said that the sun would be back and that the flowers would come out again soon. Funny how a 4 year old can put your whole world at ease. I wanted to pick him up and squeeze him and tell him that he's brilliant and that I love him, but I didn't. Don't wanna scare the lil guy. LOL

I don't know...I think "growing up" in California where 99.99999% of the days were warm and sunny and beautiful really spoiled me. I've just never gotten used to this Idaho weather. I've never felt like I belong here. But..I do. This is where our family is and this is where we belong. And, just for the record I would never move back to California, not for all the money in the world (no offense to my CA buddies). I just miss the sun, that's all. I hear Fiji has sun.

Well, anyhoo, tomorrow "Aunt Flo" should make her appearance and my PMS'ing will deflate and Chris will sing praises to the Lord and the kids will do happy dances around the living room an the dog will attack me with love..knowing that "mean scary Mommy" is gone for another few weeks. ;)

Love you guys!

Ranting, whining and pouting complete.