We just got home from Bruce n Robyn's..what a great time we had! It's always fun at the Baird house. Even more fun when I get to kick everyone's anuses at Risk! Well, I have to admit that Chris helped me..A LOT. But, regardless, I still won!! :) Our BBQ dinner was delish..our snacks were super yummy too. Robyn made her now famous chicken salad with grapes and apples (not sure what its really called but I think there's curry in it, too, right?) I love LOVE LOVE it. Couldn't get enough. And, Kamila loved the cheetos. She REALLY loved the cheetos. ;) Kids had a blast playing outside and played on the Wii, too. After dinner we headed upstairs for a Rockband fest. Dude, Robyn is SO FREAKIN good! She's the best drum player I've come across and the chic can do the guitar on EXPERT..are you FREAKIN KIDDING ME!?! Scary good. Jordon had fun dancing to the music and singing little songs into the mic during breaks. Then we had to head home so our little Sadie baby wouldn't be alone all night long in the house. A quick stop by Uncle Jason's to drop off a book and then straight home. Once again our lil pup did great in the house..didn't mess even one thing up. Just laid around watching TV and chewing on her bone. She truly is the worlds most perfect dog. I couldn't love her any more even if I tried! Went out to the Wild Ivy gift shop here in Kuna this morning to get my loverly sister in law, Laura, a birthday gift. I'm officially addicted to this gift shop. Oh my gosh I could spend all day there. And, I got her the COOLEST mug, made out of clay. The colors on it are amazing and it doesn't have a normal handle, it's called something like a hand warmer mug and so theres like this hole in the side of the mug where you slide your hand in..hard to explain but it is SO cool. If you want one, send me 20 bucks and I'll buy you one and send it off! I don't like paragraphs tonight, I am boycotting proper blog writing techniques. I'm SO bold and fearless, it's silly. I made yummy cupcakes for tonight, they were triple chocolate with little chocolate chips already in the box mix batter, then I added in instant coffee grounds and bittersweet chocolate chips..topped it off with chocolate fudge frosting and sprinkles. Heavenly moments I tell you. I had to eat another one on the way home, just for good measure :) Sadly, I didn't have any water to wash it down with so I had to open up a stray rootbeer that had been left in the car and chug on that. Gross. Sorta ruined my moment to tell you the truth. Well, I guess I better go. We've done 3 blogs today and I have a feeling we might be wearing out our welcome for March 29th. Chat with you tomorrow!! Love you, love you, love you!!!!

I LOVE MY WIFE. SHE IS GREAT. SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND THIS BLOG'S FOR HER!!!!

So apparently I don't blog enough, and when I do its not about the right things. I consider myself a man of few blogs, however when I do blog its usually profound.

Anyway, do you guys know my awesome wife Sarah? She's my wife. And I love her. She's real smart too. And very creative. She put this whole page together and without her time and effort I would not be writing to you now. Thanks hon! You rock.

My kick ass wife (Sarah) had bunko last night. She didn't win but she had fun and that's all that matters. Plus, she's still always a winner in my book. She brought me home some yummy treats too. Cuz she's very thoughtful and always looking out for me.

Last night Sarah (my rad wife) and me watched Celebrity Apprentice after she got home. I whipped us up a couple of cups of tea and we settled in for the finale. Not sure if anyone else follows this show, but this season was great (not as great as my wife though, cuz she's the greatest). It was down to the final two and it was country superstar Trace Adkins vs. the evil nasty Brit Piers Morgan. It was The Donald's ultimate good vs. evil. The whole thing was kind of anticlimactic as Piers clearly dominated the entire game from the beginning despite his rather prickly personality.

After that we went to bed cuz it was late and Sarah was tired. Sarah was snoozing before I even came to bed. In the time it took me to brush my teeth she was passed out. I just kissed her tender squishy forhead and told her to sleep well. Cuz I love her lots. Cuz she's the best. I then proceeded to stay up too late watching Outbreak (great movie, but not as great as my wife!) and finally went to sleep around 2am.

This morn I was rudely awakened by the F-ING birds. I hate those birds. They now reside in our bedroom. Did I mention I hate them? But Sarah loves them and they are her sweeties so they still live. Anyway, I awoke to squawking and flapping and loud chirping. Not the best way to wake up. I laid in bed for a while but it was no use. Sarah's phone kept going off and J kept coming in so I finally got up. Went downstairs and said "Top 'o the morning" to my hon. She said "Top 'o the morning" back.

We whipped up a quick breakfast of eggs, hashbrowns, sausage, toast, apple juice and coffee. We ate and chatted with the kids. Then we set about doing chores and getting ready for the rest of the day. As my wonderful wife said in her last blog, we're going to hang with our buddies tonight. Games and merriment will ensue. Can't wait to bust out some Risk and RockBand.

Sarah went out for a little shopping this morning to get a b-day gift and more eggs. We forgot we needed eggs for the cake we were making for tonight and we used them all for breakfast. Goofy us! Anyway, J played his new X-Men game for a bit, Ash did whatever Ash does until I told her to finish her chores. I played a bit of online poker on MSN Games and mostly owned everyone. Sarah's bro Jon came by to say hi while moving his horse to another stable. We had some lunch. Took our showers. And now here I am, chatting with you fine readers.

Just another typical day at the Mendiola household. Full of grand times and crazy adventures. Anyway, this blog has quickly digressed into rambling so its time to sign off. But before I go I wanted to say:

I TOTALLY LOVE YOU SARAH!

(I hope this blog was to your liking)

Tootles everyone!

GAME TIME!!!!

Well in case you didn't know, today is my game night. I have 2 game nights a week where I can play online with my buddies after the kiddies go to bed. The nights usually consist of some beer, some friendly online banter and blowing up tons of crap in my favorite game, Call of Duty 4.

However, tonight will be different. There will still be booze (hopefully), banter and blowing up....but the game will change. We just got in on the "closed beta" of a new game that is coming out in June. Its another online war game called Battlefield: Bad Company and we've been looking forward to it for a while now.

In case you aren't a game nerd like me, a "beta" is a test period during which players try out new games and offer feedback to help work out the kinks before its actual release. The game is pretty much a finished build and they are just polishing up and tweaking any issues that are still hanging around. Beta's are usually by invite only but every so often a game opens it up to the public. You still have to "apply" to get in but its much easier...as long as you get to it quick enough. The public beta's usually fill up fast, especially for highly anticipated titles.

I've been lucky in that I have gotten in on every big game beta I've wanted to recently and its lots of fun. Its great to try out the new games months before everyone else and play with a relatively small group of people that you know are there because they love to play (read: you don't have to worry about playing in a room full of retarded 9 year old spoiled brats swearing constantly and irritating everyone to no end....ah the joys of online gaming). Its also nice to know that your input will hopefully help the game be the best it can be. And its a good sign usually for the title when the devs take the time to set up these beta's and let the community help finish it up. It means that they are really looking to make this the best game they possibly can. Face it, they will know if a game is crap or not and chances are they won't take the time and effort to set up a beta if its gonna be a stinker.

So tonight while my lovely wife hosts her Southern Living party, I will be preparing for virtual battle with a few of my good buds (you ready Jason?). Wish me luck and Godspeed as I enter the electronic battlefield. And pity any fool that gets in my crosshairs!

We went and saw No Greater Love last night at the Nazarene church, it was awesome! It was about 2 1/2 hours long and we got there 45 minutes early, so you can imagine how our butt bones were hating us at the end, but it was worth it! And, Jaden even made it through! If you live in Idaho, or are here around Easter sometime, make sure to go see it. They've been putting on the production for 29 years. I, of course, was crying in the first 30 seconds or so of the program. Go figure! A little girl is standing on the stage and one of the disciples is with her and points out into the audience and she screams, "JESUS!!!!" and goes running as fast as she can, leaps into his harms and he pulls her up into this amazing hug..the auditorium was completely dark except for the spot light following her running to him. I can't even describe it. I vision I've seen of myself doing that so many times, so to see it in "real" life was amazing! That was the second time I cried..the first time was in the very first scene..you hear a voice in the silence say, "LAZARUS, come forth!" You turn and see Jesus standing in one of the aisles in the audience and then, Lazarus comes forth..everyone cheering and then he runs down to Jesus. SO GREAT!! I could go on and on, but will stop :)

So, the kiddos are getting ready to color eggs with Daddy, I'll take pics. Then they'll make some sugar cookies. I cut up fruit for later today when Barbara (Chris' mom) comes over to hang out..she's bringing Portuguese sweet bread that she makes, can't wait to shove it in my mouth. Hmm..maybe I've already mentioned this. Anyhoo, it's gonna be a very quiet laid back day. We've been running so hard, today is a day to just sit and enjoy the silence and remember the magnitude of what our Savior has done for us.

Love you guys!!

He is Risen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me

Question...at what point in life do the quiet peaceful restful nothing to do weekends start?

Hello everyone. I guess I need to win back some of you readers since Sarah now feels this is HER blog, LOL.

Anyway, the week is coming to a close but its definately not winding down. This morning we had all manner of stuff going on at Jaden and Ashley's school. Sarah was classroom volunteer this morning, Ashley's 6th grade class put on a production of Aladdin for the school and parents, and Jaden's class had their Easter egg hunt. Busy busy busy.

The play was great even if it was kind of unpolished. The music teacher said they wished they had more time to get it down but the kids did a good job. Ashley was part of the set design team and they did amazing work bringing Aladdin to life!

Jaden had a fun time in his egg hunt. Each of the kids had little baskets made out of plastic milk containers that looked like bunny heads. For some reason J's bunny had fangs and a tail growing out of the side of its head, but it was still cute. The kids scampered around and found all the eggs with their names on them then sat down and sifted through the spoils.

Sarah got a new 'do last night but I'll let her blog about that. Today she's working again and then she's going out to dinner with her buddy Jessica. Hopefully tomorrow will be a nice relaxing family night at home. Jaden is off of school tomorrow and Ash has a half day, then next week is Spring Break! Wish we were doing something fun but we'll have to wait until summer I guess.

Saturday night we're going to an Easter play with Sarah's family and then back here for some kind of dessert. Then on Sunday we can hopefully sleep in a bit! Mom will be over later to hang out and snack. Looking forward to a nice realxing Easter without having to run all over.

Anyway, that's about it. J and I just finished some tasty tuna sandwiches and I'm getting back to work while he gets ready to nap. Got my game night tonight with the dudes and I'm looking forward to blasting some baddies online. No work tomorrow so maybe I'll go a little later than usual.....although I am old and get tired easily. More to come soon and I'm sure Sarah will post some pics from the recent festivities as soon as she gets time.

Hello there my loyal readers. I say "my" because lets face it, I'm really the only one who writes on this danged thing. LOL (ok so I'm not really laughing)

Chris is sitting next to me, looking ULTRA cute I might add. What can I say, it's in the genes. J's singing at the table, Ash is singing melody. Sadie is laying in the hall, smiling. India Arie is singing in the office..Chris is humming along. I'm sitting in my chair, criss cross apple sauce..feet going numb. Ahhh life is good.

Was a good day..got a surprise invitation to lunch from Chris' Mom. We got to go eat Gallo Giro again! Just in case you were wondering..it's just about the best surprise someone could give me. I had two heavenly chicken tacos with rice and beans..and quite a few chips n extremely weak salsa. Had some tortilla soup, too..was interesting. Better with salsa in it. Anyway, lunch was FABULOUS! Conversation was FABULOUS! Feeling like I was gonna puke for 2 hours afterwards wasn't so fabulous, but entirely expected and not out of the ordinary. There are a few things I can't stop myself from gorging on..Mexican food, anything with alfredo sauce, and mashed potatoes. Just can't do it. There are a few more things, but we just won't go there right now.

Work was nice and slow..ahh what a nice thing. It's been so busy this month with it being a coupon month and all. But today I think God had grace on us. Courtney's been so sick and is now having horrible reactions to her medications. And, Corinne (her mom) and Gail and David (Corinne's Dad n Step Mom) are all getting ready to leave Angie and I alone for 2 days while they go to Washington..so it's been pretty stressful for them. Corinne looked so worn down today. Felt bad for her. Anyway, keep them all in your prayers if you could. Especially little Courtney..and Chase, too. He's worried about his twin sissy.

Came home to a great meal..whole roasted chicken, asparagus, corn and biscuits. My man loves me. He really, really loves me. :)

We're getting ready to watch Little People Big World..our favorite family show. So, of course, the effing phone will ring. And, whoever it is won't stop talking. And we will all want to kill them. Actually, we've decided that we aren't answering the phone anymore during LPBW. A thought that should have crossed our minds years ago.

Having a Southern Living party this coming Tuesday. If you can't make it/don't live here, let me know. You can still shop my party online. All sorts of fun stuff for your house.

Well, I guess that's all for today. Oh, except for I'm about 5 chapters into The Middle Place (this months vbc book selection) and it is gut wrenchingly fabulous. You MUST read it if you aren't already!

Love you all, have a great night, k?

me

BBQ'D TONIGHT!!!!

Momma's happy :) I marinated some chicken in orange and pineapple juice, garlic, creole seasoning and possibly something else that doesn't come to memory at the moment. Then cut up some potatoes and yellow squash to grill up, mixed in some seasonings. Chris got his ribs all prettied up and after they'd had their oven sauna time, threw them on the grill. Dinner was DELISH! Yummy in my tummy.

Dessert? hmm I think I may have had enough girl scout cookies today to break the scales. I should hold off on dessert, but probably won't..after all, there are still a few Samoas left. Wouldn't want them to feel left out of the party currently going on in my tummy!

LOVE YOU!

There's a road that since I was a little girl I've dreamt of having..There's a house in my dreams that is at the end of that road..there are animals that keep me company on that land that goes along side the road that leads to my house. Long warm nights on the front porch swing with a glass of iced tea and family & friends to laugh with, the scent of grass and mint thick in the air...creek to fish from..room for the kids and pets to run, run, run..

Today I wonder..will any of those dreams ever come true?

VIRTUAL BOOK CLUB, WANNA JOIN US?

Hey! My friend Katie and I are gonna read a book together..well not get together to talk about it like "real" book clubs..but then I thought, hey, maybe my other myspacer buddys would want to do this, too! Then we can chat online about it..

So, starting I think on Saturday, we are going to read:

The Middle Place
By: Kelly Corrigan

http://www.amazon.com/MIDDLE-PLACE-Kelly-Corrigan/dp/1401303366

After we're done with that, I'm gonna read:

Beautiful Boy
By: David Sheff

http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/books/Beautiful_Boy.html

http://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Boy-Fathers-Journey-Addiction/dp/0618683356/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1205257944&sr=1-1

And then the sequel to that (if the first one doesn't suck), written by his son, Nic, titled:

Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines
By: Nic Sheff

http://www.brightmoments.com/Tweak%3A+Growing+Up+on+Methamphetamines/ASIN/1416913629/mode/books/books.html

http://www.amazon.com/Tweak-Growing-Methamphetamines-Nic-Sheff/dp/1416913629/ref=pd_sim_b_img_1

Anyone interested???

Let me know! Could be fun :)

I AM LEGEND

Apparently I am some sort of legend around these parts. First, some backstory.

So as some of you faithful readers may know, I am selling all my old toys and stuff on eBay. Sales have been good and the profits have afforded me a level of comfort and luxury one can only dream of. Not really, but I have been able to buy a lot of cool things I've been wanting for a while.

At any rate, in order to rake in the maximum profits I offer my goods worldwide. As you can imagine, there are lots of foreign dudes that want our USA stuff. I've shipped all over the world from France to Spain to Austrailia to Canada to the UK. But my only real hassle so far has been shipping to Mexico. Apparently there are all sorts of crazy shipping rules and regulations that only apply to Mexico. Sure all places have SOME restrictions, but Mexico's are 10 times crazier.

So anyway, a month or so ago I sold a huge lot of Star Wars stuff to a dude in Mexico. To date it is still the single largest shipment I have ever processed. Now one of the major headaches of eBay (aside from all the damn hidden fees) is calculating accurate shipping prices. Its bad enough in the US but when you go international it increases exponentially. So I did my research on the US Post Office website and quoted this dude what I thought was an accurate price. He won the auction and so I began preparing the shipment.

After checking all the size and weight restrictions on the website and using their International shipping calculator, I prepared two LARGE parcels for shipping. They were big, but not overly so and I thought I was well within the restrictions.

So shipping day arrived. I loaded the boxes in the car and drove down to the Post Office. I unloaded the boxes and took 2 trips to bring them in. The lady behind the counter eyed these parcels warily and uneasily said "I don't think those will go, they're too big".

I said "That's what she said". HA HA, not really but I love that from The Office. You really can fit that into any conversation.

Anyhoo, I really said "I checked everything on the website and they should be within regulation". So I hefted the first one onto the counter so she could check. She measured and weighed and checked her Postal Bible. According to the manual, they were kosher. So she starts entering everything into the computer, but the computer is saying "NO WAY JOSE!!!". She can't figure it out and apologizes. She tells me I need to talk to the Post Master. I say "Roll her old bones on out here then!". Alas, the Post Master is out on some ultra important Postal mission and won't be back for a few hours, but I can leave the packages there and she will call me when she gets back. I say "Ok".

A few hours go by and I hear nothing, so I ring up the old Post Office. The P. Master gets on and says the boxes are too big. I say "How so when your website and your Postal Bible both say they are good to go?". She says the info must be out of date and I laugh. I think that made her mad. So now I get to go back down to the P.O. and collect my goods. I have to re-package them and bring them back in suitable shipping packages.

So I get back and the P. Master comes out to "school" me on the ways of posting. After a Sunday Sermon from her and an outlay of $15 on my part for appropriate boxes, I am armed with all the knowledge and supplies I need. I journey back home, unpack my meticulously packed boxes and attempt to fit them into the 4 new boxes. This was easier said than done.

It was like some crazy jigsaw puzzle from hell but I finally managed to get everything crammed back into these new boxes. However, now because I am shipping 4 boxes instead of 2 the shipping is an additional $60. Meanwhile this poor dude in Mexico is already freaking out about the cost of shipping and the taxes he will have to pay so now I have to go back and tell him the P.O. info was wrong and I need more money. But, because I am an ultra cool dude I tell him I'll split it with him and he's cool with that. So I return to the Office and mail everything and everyone lived happily ever after and never gave it another thought......

........until today.

Today I hit my local P.O. accompanied by Sarah and J. My old buddy "Glasses Guy" was at the counter. We exchanged pleasantries and I handed him my stuff. As it so happened I was shipping another package to Mexico today. Sarah made some comments about how the box was not up to par and "Glasses Guy" offered to tape it up some more. As he taped, I happened to mention something to Sarah about what an ordeal I had the last time I shipped to Mexico. "Glasses Guy" stopped as if struck, his eyes wide.

"That was you?!?" he said. "Man, you're a legend around here!!!"

I chuckled a bit until I realized he was serious. His adoration was unnerving....I thought he was gonna ask for my autograph. Surely he jested with me. No, he was dead serious. Apparently my ordeal had become some sort of tall tale in postal folklore. My stature had reached giant like proportions and the boxes I wielded that fateful day were now like small moons perched upon my Atlas-like shoulders.

I just laughed it off and we completed the transaction. He bid me a more enthusiastic farewell than usual, as if to wish me luck on my adventures roaming the land and slaying mighty cardboard foes. It was all rather odd, but at the same time kind of cool. After all, how many people can say that they are a local legend. From the mentally challenged wheelchair dude patrolling main street to the crack whore that runs the coffee shop, I will gladly take my spot among the ranks of Kuna's finest.

HELLO, MY NAME IS CHRIS!
TODAY I'M A RAGE-AHOLIC.



Well howdy there folks. This is my first "official" blog on this site that my wonderful wife set up. Sarah has been getting on my case for a while now about posting so here I am. In case you are asking yourself "hey, who is this super cool new guy that's blogging here?" let me show you.



This is me:

Yes, I am that cool and those are the sweetest chops ever. Anyway, not much going on here. You could probably tell by Sarah's blogs that we're all about the snow here. Its a regular frickin winter wonderland here. I work from home mostly so its not that big a deal to me, but I do like to get out every once in a while without needing a snow trencher to get out my front door.

Kinda grouchy today. I filed the taxes this past weekend and we have so many things we need to do or have done around the house that the return is all pretty much spent. Don't get me wrong, I like that we got a return and I'm very grateful....however, I just hate the fact that there's always stuff waiting to suck up the money as soon as we get it. Oh well, guess that's what money is for. Just keep making and spending.

So while thinking of all these wonderful ways to spend our money, I have been listing all the projects we need and want to finish. We have our backyard and fence to complete, we have our game room to finish, we have our bedroom that completely needs to be redone, we have the kids rooms that need to be finished up, we have the office that needs to be finished, we have the kitchen that needs to be finished, we have the garage that needs to be finished, we haven't even started on our living room or just any basic home decor.....the list goes on and on. Parts of our house just look like we moved in yesterday and slapped a painting on the wall just so it wouldn't be completely bare. I love my house, but there is just so much we want/need to do with it. I came up with 2 or 3 more projects everytime I wrote 1 down. I know its the "joys" of homeownership but sometimes I wonder if the bullshit will ever end. Will it ever just be done and we'll be completely happy with everything the way it is and not need to do another thing? Most likely no, but its a grand idea. I know this is not our "forever" house either, which is one of the reasons I don't really want to get too invested in molding it into our perfect home. One day we WILL have our perfect home so I'm holding out for that. This one is great, but its temp. However, we still want certain things done with it.

Well all that project listing didn't really help with my mood. Mostly because we're ass deep in winter goodness and I can't even really do most of these projects until the weather changes. And I was already irritable today cuz of stupid crap at work and not being able to get anything done, in addition to the fact that the kids have a snow day which means I get to hear them bicker and fight all day instead of just in the evening. So my neverending project list just added to that. Plus the fact that seemingly all extra dough will be needed for this stuff rather than fun stuff like vacations and all that jazz. It just seems like such a huge ongoing ordeal sometimes. I wonder if it would be better to be stranded on a tropical island where my most important decision is which cocount to drink out of instead of the color scheme and bedding for our room or how much braces for the kids will cost.

That seems to be enough for now. Mostly because blogging about all this junk makes me think about it again and makes me aggravated all over again. And partly cuz I'm not super into blogging. So that's last call folks, gotta cut you off for now. I promise I'll be back again sometime this year so stay tuned.

Do you ever feel like who you are just isn't good enough? That you just don't fit? Feeling like, as the song says, you're drowning in the sea of forgetfulness? Well, I do. There's another song, and in it the singer says "The eyes of the Lord are moving to and fro throughout the earth, searching for a heart that's completely His." I was talking with a friend earlier about those lyrics..I want to be the person who stops the Lords searching. When His eyes look upon me I want him to know that my heart is completely His. Thankfully, He can see my heart. But what do others see? Do I act like a person who's heart is completely the Lords? Lately, I don't think I do. I feel like at every turn I am failing. He's really working with me on some things in my heart, and I know that it's always darkest before the dawn.

I'm just feeling jumbled..knowing my ultimate destination but not so happy with the way I'm choosing to get there.

I know I need to make changes..and unfortunately those changes don't make me very appealing to some of my family and friends. And, it hurts. It hurts that I am only approved of when I meet the expectations of those around me. It hurts that as I make these changes I find more and more that I am accepted less and less.

The bottom line is that I would rather be completely alone on this earth and be right with the Lord than be surrounded by people and be out of sorts with the Lord. He is ultimately my one and only. If I have others around me, well that's just a bonus. But that doesn't mean the pain of losing is any easier.

I'm so thankful for my husband, children and those who truly love me for who I am and who I am growing into.

My friend gave me this scripture, and it really struck a chord, perfect for me right now.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23,24

Random journaling.....

Ever have one of those moments..days..weeks..where you have that thought, "what is the purpose of this" Not what is the purpose of this life..but what is the purpose of this situation, this conversation, this ...

I'm having one of those weeks. I find myself in these situations and conversations (some I'm not even a part of..just listening) and wondering..why do people talk about these things..why are these things even important. Is every little surfacey detail really THAT important? Does life really need to read out like a Steven King book? Knowing every stupid detail of how you got dressed this morning? Could these little insignificant things really be that life changing? Is this really what life hinges on? And as I listen or watch or try to ignore, I get more and more irritated..and then before I know it I'm saying something that probably would have been better kept inside. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a bit of a problem not speaking my mind..even when it's not all that appropriate.

But then I think to myself, what IS appropriate?

Is it better to just sit there and smile while the bullcrap runs sloppily out of peoples' mouths?

People say they want honesty. I think they want honesty when it is beautiful. They don't want honesty when it's not flattering.

If you truly answer those "what do you think" questions, people tend to get offended, or just completely dismiss you. I'm not saying this is only between me and the people around me. I see it in all of the conversations that go on around me. The minute something cracks below the surfacey conversation you can see the bricks and mortar coming out..and the walls go up faster than the sun sets in Hawaii.

And then there's the constant my shit smells better than yours issue. WHY DOES IT MATTER????? Is individuality really THAT offensive? Do we all REALLY have to be exactly the same? Do we all have to have fun in the same way, smile the same way, think the same way, raise our kids the same way, interact the same way? Is my silent smile somehow worse than your over the top look at me I need approval cackle of a laugh? Does it really make you that uncomfortable that I can sit and be quiet and be completely content in it?

It seems that we all want everyone around us to be exactly the same, because then it's completely predictable and safe and easy.

Hello, my name is ______. Nice to meet you. How are you? Oh wait, please don't go in depth. Just say you're fine, good or great. Don't go any further. Don't elaborate. See you again, soon. Wow, I just made a great new friend!

LAME

I dare you to be deep and willing to open yourself..I dare you to be willing to get hurt. I dare you to be willing to maybe look stupid or say something goofy..I promise, I'll still love you. It's ok to be you..even if you're a complete wack job.

I guess even if you want to be surfacey and basically non existent in our conversations, that's ok. But, I'll always wish that I could have gotten to know the real you..the one you're too scared to show.

The other thing that's bothering me are those who feel they can only be close in certain circles. When it's socially acceptable. Is there a reason we can't be ourselves no matter where we are? Is there a reason we are only "allowed" to talk about certain things with certain people and not others?

I was listening to a conversation and heard a friend tell the people she was talking to that she was nervous b/c she didn't know how others felt about the topic at hand. And, I was instantly heartbroken, angry, disappointed, livid. On one hand, yes, it's nice to be sensitive to others. But on the other hand, why do we feel the need to censor our conversations? I so wish we could just be open and that there would never have to be that worry of offense. That we could love each other in a way that no matter what was being discussed our level of respect would run deep enough to embrace them.

Cuz the thing is, you don't have to agree with someone in order to listen and be empathetic. You don't have to support an issue in order to listen to someones heart.

Or do you.

I don't think if you look in the Bible you'll find a situation where Jesus didn't listen and love the person he was dealing with. Whether He agreed or not, He always had the time and He always was willing to give encouragement. He was honest enough to let the person know that He hated their sin, but He loved THEM. He hated what they were doing, but He loved them as a human. And, He was always willing to help someone up, to give them the truth..even if it wasn't the easy option.

I go back n forth between being a person who enjoys being in conversations and being in the middle of everything to wanting to be removed and just sit and listen and enjoy the atmosphere. I think I got the best of both of my parents in that aspect. My Mom loves being with the group of people at the house and laughing and visiting and telling stories, etc. My Dad loves to sit and watch and smile and sometimes interject..he studies. I'd have to say that I lean more on the side of my Dad's personality than my Mom's at most times.

Talking to Swede a few months back, and asking/complaining about surfacey relationships and why they even had any use. He explained that if I only had vanilla ice cream every day for the rest of my life, I'd get bored. That we like/need all different flavors to make things exciting. And that we can learn and grow in different ways with different "flavors"...and I totally agree with that. I'd never really looked at it that way before. It was kind of a light bulb moment. Of course it didn't set in til later, as most things do for me. I guess I'm just a thinker ;)

Anyway..I'm just feeling frustrated. Wondering where I fit. My whole life I've heard, "why don't you" "why can't you" "if you'd just" and it all surrounds me forcing a cheesy grin or me wanting to skip down the street or me wanting to do back flips to enter into the mainstream fake club.

I finally realized, I'm happy. I'm happy when I'm sitting quietly, watching others. I'm happy when I sit and watch my kids play and the dog roll around on the ground. I'm happy watching the kids at the park skip. I'm happy watching kids play in the snow. I'm happy sitting, reading my magazine and listening to birds. I'm happy listening to my music. I'm happy doing crafts and walking. I'm happy listening to others. I'm happy doing my stupid little dances. I'm happy shoveling my snow, I'm happy cleaning a toilet, I'm happy gorging on mashed potatoes. AND, more importantly I don't have to put a big flashing neon sign on me to let you know that I'm happy. Because being truly happy means I don't have to prove myself to you. I am who I am. If you like it, fine. If not, fine. But, I don't think that being happy means that you never get pissed. That you never get upset or hurt..or sad.

I was telling Swede last time we spoke that I struggled with having peace in my core no matter what was goin on. I wanted to be able to be upset with something or someone but still have that core of peace. Instead I had peace on the surface but anger (or whatever else) in the core. And it was a huge struggle for me. I didn't want to be in a situation where something was happening around me and I on the surface was all peachy but inside was so full of anxiety I could have burst. I instead wanted to be in a situation and be able to show that I was upset, but in my core still have that everlasting peace that I knew all was fine. And, I can say now, that most days I have that. I have that inner peace. But, there are still days when the peace is out the door and I want to attack. Friday and yesterday were 2 of those days. I just snapped. So sick of the bullcrap. So sick of the constant nothingness in things surrounding me. So sick of the petty weird crap. Zero tolerance. I hate it when that happens! BUT, as I sit here and think and get out the crap I can feel the core of peace coming back.

Ernesto posted lyrics to a song today that really as he said gave "warm fuzzies" As I read them I could feel that peace that only comes from the Lord shower my body. You fellow believers know what I'm talking about..I hope! Here are the lyrics:

Daniel Kirkley - Unrepeatable

Heart without a home

Desperate to belong

You haven't been forgotten

Poet with no voice

Singer with no song

Your silence borne of sorrow

Can you hear God whisper...

Chorus

Nowhere else is there another like you

Rare and beautiful is how he made you

Irreplaceable is how he sees you

You're everything that He could dream

Exactly who you were meant to be

You're unrepeatable

Fingerprint of God

Precious child you are

Lovingly created

All that makes you laugh

All that makes you cry

Every dream that stirs within you

Is God calling

(Chorus)

I'm praying that you'll see

And one day you'll believe (that)

(Chorus)

I loved the lines: "Irreplaceable is how He sees you" and, "You're unrepeatable" Because, it's true. You may not be like everyone else..but the great thing is, you were never meant to be. You are irreplaceable, unrepeatable.

AMAZING!

There are different kinds of happy. For me it may never be that crazy bouncing off the walls happy (although I do have my days!), but I've found so much peace in embracing the quiet peaceful happiness that flows through me.

Sometimes I'll look in the mirror at my face and think, wow, there's a story there. As I look at the lines on my face, I can see the hurts and the joys that created them. And, sometimes I look in the mirror and think..wow, this is my outside? Cuz my inside feels SO much better than my outside looks! LOL

So my resolution is to try to remember to smile more..have you ever felt like you were smiling and then made yourself hold that "pose" and ran to the bathroom to see what you really looked like? I have. And sometimes when I think I am smiling, I go into the bathroom and look and it's like..HMM..not so much. In some weird way, though, in encourages me. Because for so long..I was smiling on the outside while the inside was crying. And now, I may not look like I'm smiling on the outside, but on my inside I am SMILING EAR TO GLORIOUS EAR!!!!!!

Sooooo even at times like this, when I am frustrated and disillusioned and whatever else..I'm happy. I'm happy to be able to acknowledge my feelings. And, I'm happy to have the tools to work through them. And, I'm happy to know that no matter what, I am truly loved, irreplaceable, and unrepeatable. And, I'm happy to know that I have a Savior Who truly cares, can feel my growing pains and always welcomes me home back into His arms.

Yesterday and the day before sucked. I was a horrible example and not a very nice person in general. As I like to say, I was captain of the crap parade. But, thankfully, the parade is over and the floats are being disassembled.

Love you guys

*p.s. the word surfacey is not in my dictionary. BUT, it IS in the dictionary of Sarahisms.

Ashley is now dictating her blog to me as well. Here is what SHE has to say:

My NEW favorite thing to do isssss...SNOWBOARDING!!!!!!!!!!! Even though I fell on my butt a lot, it was still worth it. It's really hard to steer and when you want to go snowboarding, or learn, you better be prepared for some pain the next day. And I mean serious pain.

I was at my Mom's work and I helped out by taking out cleansing stuff and separating them into different bins, there was soap, am facial stuff and pm facial stuff, some weird ear thing, and a sponge. I don't know what that has to do with cleansing, but it was fun. And, I also shredded paper but it sucked because the shredder kept overheating after like 4 papers. And then I got to try a yummy health bar that was Belgian chocolate chip. It was yummyyy. And then after all my hard work, I earned six dollars...............AT MY MOM'S WORK! It was pretty exciting.

And, that's all I have.


Here is the picture that we took of Ash specifically for this super cool blog entry:

J is dictating his blog to me, here is what he'd like you to know:

Mommy is nice (I didn't bribe him to say that!), and Sadie is a nice girl, and she licks my hand a lot and then I get slobber on my hand. And, I like my family.


Here is the picture J had me take of him specifically for this blog entry..he's a crazy guy.

Well, hello there :) I was hoping you'd stop by! heehee

Anyway, today was a good day. Volunteered in J's classroom this morning. Those little kids are SO hilarious. Love my time there. And then I came home, jumped in the shower to get ready to meet our friend Jason for lunch! We hadn't seen him in, gosh, probably 7 years? Maybe more. SO great to hang out with him again. Jaden was very excited to see him, he's never met him before, but he came with a big white tub of GI Joe guys..so they were instant best buddies. Then we ran a few errands, came home, switched keys and I went off to clean the school, then rushed back home to get Ash and then all the way back down to Glenwood and State so Ash could get her haircut! Phew! What a day. But, it was a fun one. And, A's hair looks soooo nice! Kristi took off about 3 inches in the back and then gave her a lot of layers..which A loves.

It's a nippy 12 degrees outside as we speak, but I am warmer than I was last night! Mostly b/c I have weather appropriate clothing on. Details...

Well, I suppose that's all for today :) Chris says he will post soon, so keep an eye out! Should be pretty entertaining. He always is!

Love you guys