I AM LEGEND
Apparently I am some sort of legend around these parts. First, some backstory.
So as some of you faithful readers may know, I am selling all my old toys and stuff on eBay. Sales have been good and the profits have afforded me a level of comfort and luxury one can only dream of. Not really, but I have been able to buy a lot of cool things I've been wanting for a while.
At any rate, in order to rake in the maximum profits I offer my goods worldwide. As you can imagine, there are lots of foreign dudes that want our USA stuff. I've shipped all over the world from France to Spain to Austrailia to Canada to the UK. But my only real hassle so far has been shipping to Mexico. Apparently there are all sorts of crazy shipping rules and regulations that only apply to Mexico. Sure all places have SOME restrictions, but Mexico's are 10 times crazier.
So anyway, a month or so ago I sold a huge lot of Star Wars stuff to a dude in Mexico. To date it is still the single largest shipment I have ever processed. Now one of the major headaches of eBay (aside from all the damn hidden fees) is calculating accurate shipping prices. Its bad enough in the US but when you go international it increases exponentially. So I did my research on the US Post Office website and quoted this dude what I thought was an accurate price. He won the auction and so I began preparing the shipment.
After checking all the size and weight restrictions on the website and using their International shipping calculator, I prepared two LARGE parcels for shipping. They were big, but not overly so and I thought I was well within the restrictions.
So shipping day arrived. I loaded the boxes in the car and drove down to the Post Office. I unloaded the boxes and took 2 trips to bring them in. The lady behind the counter eyed these parcels warily and uneasily said "I don't think those will go, they're too big".
I said "That's what she said". HA HA, not really but I love that from The Office. You really can fit that into any conversation.
Anyhoo, I really said "I checked everything on the website and they should be within regulation". So I hefted the first one onto the counter so she could check. She measured and weighed and checked her Postal Bible. According to the manual, they were kosher. So she starts entering everything into the computer, but the computer is saying "NO WAY JOSE!!!". She can't figure it out and apologizes. She tells me I need to talk to the Post Master. I say "Roll her old bones on out here then!". Alas, the Post Master is out on some ultra important Postal mission and won't be back for a few hours, but I can leave the packages there and she will call me when she gets back. I say "Ok".
A few hours go by and I hear nothing, so I ring up the old Post Office. The P. Master gets on and says the boxes are too big. I say "How so when your website and your Postal Bible both say they are good to go?". She says the info must be out of date and I laugh. I think that made her mad. So now I get to go back down to the P.O. and collect my goods. I have to re-package them and bring them back in suitable shipping packages.
So I get back and the P. Master comes out to "school" me on the ways of posting. After a Sunday Sermon from her and an outlay of $15 on my part for appropriate boxes, I am armed with all the knowledge and supplies I need. I journey back home, unpack my meticulously packed boxes and attempt to fit them into the 4 new boxes. This was easier said than done.
It was like some crazy jigsaw puzzle from hell but I finally managed to get everything crammed back into these new boxes. However, now because I am shipping 4 boxes instead of 2 the shipping is an additional $60. Meanwhile this poor dude in Mexico is already freaking out about the cost of shipping and the taxes he will have to pay so now I have to go back and tell him the P.O. info was wrong and I need more money. But, because I am an ultra cool dude I tell him I'll split it with him and he's cool with that. So I return to the Office and mail everything and everyone lived happily ever after and never gave it another thought......
Today I hit my local P.O. accompanied by Sarah and J. My old buddy "Glasses Guy" was at the counter. We exchanged pleasantries and I handed him my stuff. As it so happened I was shipping another package to Mexico today. Sarah made some comments about how the box was not up to par and "Glasses Guy" offered to tape it up some more. As he taped, I happened to mention something to Sarah about what an ordeal I had the last time I shipped to Mexico. "Glasses Guy" stopped as if struck, his eyes wide.
"That was you?!?" he said. "Man, you're a legend around here!!!"
I chuckled a bit until I realized he was serious. His adoration was unnerving....I thought he was gonna ask for my autograph. Surely he jested with me. No, he was dead serious. Apparently my ordeal had become some sort of tall tale in postal folklore. My stature had reached giant like proportions and the boxes I wielded that fateful day were now like small moons perched upon my Atlas-like shoulders.
I just laughed it off and we completed the transaction. He bid me a more enthusiastic farewell than usual, as if to wish me luck on my adventures roaming the land and slaying mighty cardboard foes. It was all rather odd, but at the same time kind of cool. After all, how many people can say that they are a local legend. From the mentally challenged wheelchair dude patrolling main street to the crack whore that runs the coffee shop, I will gladly take my spot among the ranks of Kuna's finest.