Sunday, March 29, 2009
No one's puking! No one's feverish! We're off to church :)
Hope you all have a great day, looks to be cloudy here. Rumor has it there was a huge storm overnight that kept a few people I know awake. Ummm, not I! Slept right thru it.
Turkey dinner turned out delish lastnight..it was a hit all around! Always like it when that happens.
Get to watch the Drama group do their thang tonight at church (and a preview today after church service), can't wait!
Well, I better go hop in the shower..Love you!
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Saturday, March 28, 2009
We got up and got ready for Ashley's competition today. I finished getting ready so I went in to take J's temp and help him with his clothes. His temp was gone, we were excited I told him, "good job!" He said, thanks and that his head still hurt. I picked out a shirt and turned to look at him and he said he felt like he was going to throw up..and his face was transparent, lips blue. Crap. I tell him to go the bathroom then. So off he goes..and off Chris and Ash go to the competition, leaving J and I behind. I tell them maybe I can drive down and see Ash's 2 performances with J and then leave. Hoping he'll feel better in an hour or so. They left at 7:45 and her performances were at 9:38 and 10:49 (or something like that) and only lasted a few minutes each. So we could get there watch everything and be back home for him to rest again in an hours time. But, he was still dry heaving at 9:20 when we would have had to leave for the first performance, and then sleeping heavily when we would have had to leave for the second performance. No need to tell you I spent most of the morning crying (is it still morning?). Poor J looked absolutely HORRIBLE, there was no way I would have been able to drag him down there, and I knew that. Mom's can't be two places at once, I realize that. But 99.9% of the time I somehow figure out how to accomplish being two places at once anyway. Not this time. I can't believe I missed it. I just can't believe it.
I'm still congested and sound horrible. J just came down and asked for more food, he finished his cheerios. How is it that when the babies are sick they somehow instantly lose all of their body weight and muscle? Poor kid looked like he hadn't been fed in weeks. I told him lets wait for a little bit and then we'll try some more food. Thankfully, at least if he's still sick tomorrow night we can still go to church. We can just set him up somewhere where he can lay down and rest. But I hope that won't be the case.
Anyway, Chris has texted a few times throughout the day and they are having a blast. He said our teams did AMAZING. So proud of them. And, I'm so happy he's getting to do what he loves again in teaching/being part of a drama team. He's really missed that. And, the kids all seem to absolutely adore him. Then again, what's not to adore :)
I'm making a big turkey dinner for Chris and Ash..and peach cobbler for dessert. My recent attempts (and by recent I mean the last 3 years) in the kitchen have been abysmal, but I'm hoping today will be different. Please, God, throw me a bone! :)
I'm listening to Jason Upton..I know, big surprise. But, it was "funny" cuz I sat down and "You Are Not Alone" came on (on my playlist if you want to/need to hear it, too (: ). Hmm fitting, I think. Thank you, Father. When people let us down, when life lets us down..You are always there to remind us that we are NEVER alone.
I am crazy in love with my dog. She drives me nuts. But I truly can't tell you how much joy she brings to my life. She never leaves. Never.
The sun is out today and it's beautiful. Not too cold, although not warm enough to sit in the sun. But it's nice to have the light in my home. It's been such a long, dark and dreary winter. It's been one of the hardest winters for me yet. I really, really, really had to fight to stay above water. So, I'm very thankful for the sunshine today. I'll take it as a gift :) Because, it is.
I hope that whatever you are doing today, that you remember to look up and out of your circumstances and try to view the big picture. Our lives are a quilt, and a beautiful one. With all different hues and shapes and stitching. Every moment is a square, what squares will you add today?
There's this little line at the end of Habakkuk that says: "For the director of music. On my stringed instruments." This is not an unusual ending, it's given in other parts of the Bible as well. But Habakkuk writes in this book of his struggles to understand why God does what He does, and allows what He allows..it's a great dialogue..and in the end he comes to the conclusion that he can, no matter the circumstance, trust God with and through ever circumstance. And for some reason as I was reading it one day those last few words just popped at me and I started to think...I am a stringed instrument..what music am I playing? WHO's music am I playing..and who am I allowing to be MY Director?.... Just before the last line, the clump of scriptures are:
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.
I have written in my Bible all over this page:
"I will play for you Lord, the song You want to hear, strum my strings & I will sing Your song forever. To be Your instrument is my greatest desire. I am Yours.
Though the song He's playing may sound sad now, it's still beautiful. Your cheerful song is coming. All of His music is beautiful when the instrument is willing. Be willing to play His tune for Him.
I want the song of my life to be remembered lovely & pure, for that to happen I must let the Master play me.
Rejoice - The Lord is doing something - your harvest is coming, AND, it won't be even a second late!"
On days like today, and winters like this winter, and months like this when finances are weak at best, and years like these when everything is unsure, I look back at this page in my Bible and remember that no matter WHAT, I CAN rejoice and I CAN be assured that the song/quilt being written/sewn for me by the Master is beautiful, and has purpose. I need not try to write my own music, or patch together my own quilt. Because the Master has offered to do it for me, if I will allow Him. Why settle for an amateurs work, when you can have the Masters? Here's to soaring on the notes of my lifesong, and appreciating the beauty of my lifequilt.
I love you always and forever..but you know that :)
P.S. Just in case you're wondering..I like to imagine myself to be a cello...resting upon the chest of the Savior while He wraps his arms around me and plays my heartstrings. :)
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Thursday, March 26, 2009
Ash and Chris seem to be totally over the sickness, and never got it like I have. Jaden still has a nasty cough and a headache, but no fever. He always gets a nasty cough when he gets sick though, so not unexpected really.
The drama team seems to be slowly getting better. A lot of them have had this sickness too..they have a huge competition this weekend so we've been praying they'd be well. And, it looks like they will be! Maybe not 100%, but close!
Chris' Gma is home now, in case you didn't hear. From what we hear, she's doing well. Thanks for the prayers.
It's so hard to type with punctuation on this laptop!!! I'm constantly either typing like a 1st grader, or having to go back and delete all the time.
It must be a nice day out. I finally opened the blinds and the window awhile back and I'm not freezing!
The kids are on spring break this week. They're "not doin anything fun, just playing" Oh no. Horrible. Could be in rice fields workin their fingers to the bone. Maybe they'd have fun with THAT. Kids. I understand that it would be fun to go to activities and things. But good Lord.
Have I complained enough? Sheesh.
I watched a Doris Day movie (Send Me No Flowers) today..and also Steel Magnolias. YAY! I loved it.
I stayed home from work today and will miss tomorrow, too. Ash has her competition on Saturday so please keep her and the team in your prayers! We're so excited to watch our team compete and cheer them on!
Have a good night guys. Love you!
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Friday, March 20, 2009
Thanks all. Hope you all have a great weekend.
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Thursday, March 19, 2009
Can't decide if I'm gonna do a Cinco De Mayo party this year. It would be the first year in a long time we don't do it, but I'm just not sure I want to. I mean I want to, but do I WANT to. I'll think about it. I'd rather have it than go somewhere else to have it. But last years brought so much stress, even though it turned out great. Maybe I'll scale it down and just make everything on my own instead of having to rely on others to do things. That's where my stress always comes in. I don't want the help but everyone always wants to help. Which only makes it worse for me even though they think they are making it easier. I'm talking in circles..thinking out loud..let's move on.
J is having fun with plastic bugs. He's got them all spread out on the carpet behind me. I'm not real into that whole deal, but I keep quiet. It's his joy, who am I to steal it.
We're prolly havin nachos for dinner. Can't decide. Chris said nachos or tacos..to me I can't see the difference between the two..both are delish and involve the same ingredients.
I'm feeling a bit better today than I was yesterday (or whenever the last blog was). Had some good worship time on the way to work this morning..good start to a long day. Also got a super good devo from Pastor Laurie today. Passed it on to a few folk..if you want it and didn't get it let me know.
Well, I'm afraid I don't have much to share. Oh..I did talk to Mom. She said that the doctors think they can just do spot radiation on Al's L5 (section of his spine) and hopefully that will help. I guess Jackie took him into the ER last night, he was in excruciating pain, none of the drugs they were giving him were helping at all. She thought she was gonna lose him. But, he's still here. Thank God. And, from the sounds of it, not in as much pain so that's a good thing.
I'm off to assist with dinner and hopefully steal a QUIET moment with my man while we brown the meat and shred the cheese for our din din.
Love you love you
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Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Today I ran non-stop from 7am until after 9pm. Spent most of Bible study tonight fighting sleep and tears. Chris had to shove me to make me open my eyes and lovingly reminded me that I was not allowed to sleep through the study. Ok honey, I won't. No reflection on pastor of course..we're in Revelation right now and it's riveting, honestly. But my body is just not wanting to cooperate.
Val and I are going to hike up and down Tablerock in April. She asked if I'd go, and so I will. It may kill me, but I will. I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm going to wear depends just in case I lose all bodily functions..which is highly likely. :)
Mom called tonight before church and let me know that our friend Al (he married us and my parents) who has been like a father to my parents, and a grandfather to us kids (he and his wife are our Godparents) got a "bad" diagnosis..his prostate cancer has now spread to his spine. He's in quite a bit of pain, but of course, has a great attitude. He first found out he had cancer just a few days after he married Chris and I in 1995. He's been fighting it off and on since then. They are going to get him on radiation again and maybe some chemo again. Breaks my heart. Absolutely breaks it. The only thing that makes this better is that through everything he only loves the Lord more. And that shall he lose this battle on earth, he will win the battle spiritually and spend eternity with our Father in Heaven. And, that one day we will see each other again. But, please be praying for him..and for the rest of us..and especially for his wife, Jackie.
I got an update from Tina on Mercy. She is gaining some feeling back in her legs and feet but in the form of excruciating pain. Tina says that depression is something Mercy is fighting right now, as is to be expected. I'm sure that becoming paralyzed is much like mourning a death. Because in a sense, it is. So..please be praying for her, too.
Chris and Ash are still sick and now J is feeling icky too. I'm still doing well. Taking all of my vitamins like a good girl and drinking lots of water.
Swede (my friend and counselor) asked me the other night while we were chatting on Facebook when I'm going to let him help me get "in shape"..biking, running, etc. I wanted to say, "Promptly after I castrate you." But, I didn't. I just said a firm "NEVER". And then we continued to fight back and forth until I agreed to a walk around the park :) (If you're reading this, Swede, I would never castrate you. haha) Anyway, his main goal is to get me to sweat because he knows that I have a huge sweat phobia. I absolutely hate sweat and sweatING. He's like my brother in that he does bike racing and skiing and all that crazy crap. It makes me tired to think of it. I love that he enjoys it. But I truly don't believe that all of us need to enjoy the same things. I told him that I'd be more than happy to sweat with him as we hammer the tar out of tiles in the summer to make mosaics. He didn't reply. hmm
After talking with him, as usual, I am emotionally drained. That man has a way of ripping your whole world apart while you're both laughing..and you don't realize he's done it till 5 minutes after you've left his presence. As he says, he enjoys my pain. ;) But, it's good..he's always making me stretch. His 3 questions for me are always:
1. How is your heart? (no one word answers allowed..believe me, I've tried)
2. 3 part question: What are you doing to grow spiritually, emotionally and physically?
3. What are you're goals to make your life even BETTER and MORE exciting?
Some might think..well you could easily BS through those questions. Um, if you think that, then you haven't met Swede. LOL
So, I answered the questions for him..and now I'm searching myself to see where I am truly growing..where I am becoming stagnant..and where I am moving backwards. Ugh..tears well up in my eyes instantly just thinking about it.. It could be the exhaustion. I'm just not sure I have any more energy to devote to anything, much less myself. That's not a pity party, it's just true. I'm all tapped out.
But, just when I feel I have no more to give, I am reminded that I need to go back to the well for my filling. If I am feeling empty, it is because I have not taken the time to fill my cup with The Word. Yes, I read my Bible daily. But, do I really devote time to being filled or do I just read the words. Sometimes, I just read the words. And it is when I let those "sometimes" turn into "most of the times" that I find myself empty. So..as Stephen Curtis Chapman would say, "I'm divin in". No earthly thing can fill me like my Savior can fill me. And, as the world and those around me continually fail me time and time again and in mass numbers..there is One who will never and has never failed me. And that is my Jesus. Never once. So where else would I possibly turn, but to Him. He's never left, he's still here.
Jason Upton says in one of his songs (it's a longer quote, but I'll just write part of it), "It's like the Father's saying, I'm in the same place now as I was the first time I called you. I'm not moving around, I'm right here." We just have to take that step. He's just one step away, and if we will be willing to take that step into His presence, all of the outside worries and concern will melt away. But we (I) get so caught up in the day to day living that I let that simple truth be washed away. How silly I am.
I love these lyrics:
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
The part that got me the other morning was: "Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough." Ouch. I mean I'll just let that grab you as it does. I don't need to put my thoughts into it. Just ponder it. It's pretty heavy stuff.
I find that a question I feel He asks me often is "Why" WHY do you want that...WHY are you striving for that...WHY did you let that bother you..WHY are you holding onto that..WHY don't you let Me do that..and I have to say that the answers usually come pretty quickly. Because, if I truly am focused on HIM (the Father) and HIS word, the rest of my life falls into place. It is when I go off on my own that I run into hurts and troubles and frustrations. It's like me trying to perform surgery on someone. I have no business doing it, that's why we let the professionals do it. They are much better equipped to perform surgery than we are. Same thing with life..why are we constantly trying to prove that we can do it all on our own, when we are simply not qualified to do so? *sigh* Human nature I suppose.
Anyway..I've chatted long enough. It's 10:27 and I have no idea if I'm even awake at this moment.
I love you..now is not the time to get comfortable in your life..don't let yourself get in the way of all that He has planned for you. His plans are much better than yours..why settle for a mediocre life when you can have a FABULOUS life in Him?
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Thursday, March 12, 2009
I needed to get fresh berries for the cake Chris is making with the kids tonight (J brought home the recipe), and then for the cake I am making for my bro and Laura. We're having a combo party for them. Matt wanted white cake with white frosting..so I'm making that. We decided on that before it became a combo party so I don't know what kind of cake Laura would have preferred. SO, I'm making chocolate covered strawberries, too. BUT, I am getting off track. What I wanted to tell you was that Winco had NO berries of ANY kind. NOTHING. Weird, right? I had to go to Pauls to get them. Just what I want to do after grocery shopping, go to ANOTHER store. Lame. But, I got them and they're pretty and no doubt much better than anything Winco would have offered had they not been too busy sucking.
Carolyn is comin into town tonight, yay!! Looking forward to spending time with her. She'll be there for the bday party tomorrow obviously, and then we're hoping to have a lot of time with her this weekend, too. Haven't seen her in a year or so I think. Maybe a bit longer.
Anyhoo..decided I need a break from Facebook. Too much time. Annoying. I'll go back to it next week but I'm taking tomorrow and the weekend off. It's so much more difficult to try to find everything that's going on there. Myspace it's just a quick sign in and you can easily see what's up and then sign off should you choose. Facebook takes 15 minutes to get through all the random crap to see what anyone's really doing beyond planting trees and adopting forests and feeding fish and whatever else they can find to do to get them back to adolescence. Not that I haven't engaged a few times myself. ;) haha
Today was SO slow at work. It crawwwwwwwled. Hoping sales pick up, and quick. We've been doing really well but today..good Lord did we tank. I was able to get caught up on quite a few things and then do a couple extra things that they have been wanting me to do. I still have tons of stuff to catch up on but hopefully we will get busier and I won't have the time! I'd rather be behind and in a job than all caught up and fired. :)
Chris made a delish dinner tonight..tortellini's with zucchini, squash, broccoli, cauliflower, onions, celery and possibly something else. Anyway, I love it that way. Then we had salad and french bread. Yum :)
Well, I better go. J's comin down to read to me and then we have to study Bible Quiz together. Saturday is his last quiz for the year! Or..for the sort of year. It's kind of like school..starts back up after school gets back in, or sometime around there.
Have a great night! Love ya
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Tuesday, March 10, 2009
We had a delish dinner tonight. Turkey burgers with bacon and cheeeeeese and potato salad. :) I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doin and added too much mustard and a bit too much mayo..Dave would love it. I had to eat quickly to keep from gagging. But, never fear, I'll be down there tonight getting a big bowl of it. :)
Had a long HOT shower tonight..contemplated being an Avon consultant again and then dismissed it. Then contemplated shaving my head to keep from having to wash my hair..dismissed that thought as well. Then contemplated eating the rest of the cookies I made the other night..dismissed (but up for further debate). Contemplated staying in the shower till the hot water ran cold, but that's a horrible way to end a shower..dismissed. Contemplated getting out of the shower to grab a new bar of soap cuz the one I had was super tiny..that would be cold. Dismissed. Contemplated, again, selling a kidney (and maybe one of the dogs') so I could get to Fiji. Dismissed. Contemplated getting out of the shower to get Chris' razor so I could shave my legs (not head, that was already dismissed.), but that means I'd have to stop standing in the shower doing nothing. Dismissed. Contemplated turning the water off and getting out of the shower to help save the earth. Dismissed, I like showers. Contemplated yelling for Chris so I could have someone to chat with about contemplations. Remembered I locked the bathroom door. Dismissed. I could go on with this for forever, but I'll stop.
It's cold in the game room. I'm covered up in a blankey, it's not helping. COLD!
Chris is helping Ashley with math. It makes me want to hurt myself, and others. I detest learning math. And she detests it. I feel her severe irritation. It transfers to my body instantly. I try to pretend that I'm not irritated for her. I smile. I stay silent. But we both know that it blows..and that Heaven can't come soon enough.
I'm excited for summer. Not sure if I've mentioned that.
Think I'm gonna have to re-evaluate the cookie decision. mmmyep, it's re-evaluated. I won't eat ALL of them. Just more than I probably should. Tomorrow's blog will be on the pitfalls of gluttony.
Until then..know I love you.
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Saturday, March 7, 2009
Then we got up this morning and talked for awhile in bed about our nights and then had to get up and get ready for our mornings. Chris had to go to a drama practice for awhile and I had to work for awhile. Afterwards the kids and I came home and got Chris, we went and rented the Chihuahua movie, got some lunch and came home. Quickly after lunch I fell asleep in my cozy chair and Chris watched one of his shows. The kids did their chores. As usual, they have maybe 30 minutes worth of chores and have managed to spread them out over 3 1/2 hours (so far). Ridiculous. But, whatever. I think they might be done soon. We'll see.
Chris found out a few minutes ago that, although I am a Kevin Costner fan, I have not seen Dances With Wolves (I haven't seen a lot of his movies to be truthful). He's dumbfounded and says I have to watch it. He's recording it. I don't like Mary McDonnell (or whatever her name is) at all and she's in it..ick. But whatever, I'll watch it anyway. I saw a small part today where they were throwing sugar into the coffee mugs. Funny :) I doubt the rest of the movie is really all that funny. I don't like western movies for the most part..or war movies. For example, Born on the 4th of July..I'd rather have my toenails ripped out than sit through that again.
Ashley has made herself some dice shoes. She has big hard dice..the size of the dice you see in cars. And she has taken shoelaces and attached them to the bottoms of her feet. She's having a great time. I'm silently hoping she doesn't break her ankles. I figure all kids need some excitement..and this happens to be hers. haha (just fyi..btw..I don't like to use the word "die" I like to use the word "dice")
J is having fun of his own, rearranging the game closet. He doesn't want any ones help. He says he wants to make room for some more of "our stuff".
I've eaten only 2 Samoa's today. That's good, right? Much healthier than eating 2 SamoaN's. hahaha. Ok I'm probably in need of meds. But that was funny to me.
Ahh, turns out J is rearranging the closet because he's hoping to get paid. In this house you don't get paid for doing chores..you're part of the family, you act like it. But if you go above and beyond what a family member would be responsible for doing, you become eligible for some allowance (or Gallo Giro tacos if it's ME heehee).
Sometimes kids are like a swarm of bees. Loud, invasive, annoying and deadly. The kids are now officially done with their chores and are looking a lot like bees. We better entertain them before they overtake us completely.
Have a great weekend. Loves to you!
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Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Short fused: check.
Zombie: check, but not hungry for your flesh.
I am a person who thrives on routine. I always wanted to be spontaneous, and was to a certain extent..as long as it didn't interfere with my routine. LOL Anyway, I'd like to plan 14 weeks in Fiji as part of my "routine". Why 14? I don't know. Just sounds good. And not as drastic as the original thought of 14 years.
Told Chris I was leaving again the other day. He again reminded me that I can't b/c that would mean he would be left behind. I again reminded him that I would send for him. He still said no. hmm. Fine. And, yes, I always assure him that of course I will never leave..and he assures me that he knows. :) It's just a long standing threat Jess and I give to our loved ones. haha Our poor husbands.
I really think that Summer (and my period, for the safety of those around me LOL) just needs to come quickly. I cannot stand this winter drizzle dark crap any freakin more. It leaves every year and spring comes without fail and summer follows, again without fail. But, never soon enough. Today at work as Chase and I were watching the hail storm, I asked him why this was happening. He said that God did it. I said, "But I asked God for sunshine! What happened?" He giggled and said that the sun would be back and that the flowers would come out again soon. Funny how a 4 year old can put your whole world at ease. I wanted to pick him up and squeeze him and tell him that he's brilliant and that I love him, but I didn't. Don't wanna scare the lil guy. LOL
I don't know...I think "growing up" in California where 99.99999% of the days were warm and sunny and beautiful really spoiled me. I've just never gotten used to this Idaho weather. I've never felt like I belong here. But..I do. This is where our family is and this is where we belong. And, just for the record I would never move back to California, not for all the money in the world (no offense to my CA buddies). I just miss the sun, that's all. I hear Fiji has sun.
Well, anyhoo, tomorrow "Aunt Flo" should make her appearance and my PMS'ing will deflate and Chris will sing praises to the Lord and the kids will do happy dances around the living room an the dog will attack me with love..knowing that "mean scary Mommy" is gone for another few weeks. ;)
Love you guys!
Ranting, whining and pouting complete.
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