Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Seasons.....to everything there is a season..a time... Sometimes it seems as though the season will never end, sometimes it seems as though it only lasted a moment and you want with everything to get it back...to keep it from ending.  Sometimes it seems there are so many changes that it's hard (impossible?) to keep up.  Grasping for the fleeting moments..taking quick mental snapshots to try to remember the moments..the conversation..the laughs..the smiles..the hugs..the feelings..the sound of their voice, their laugh..things they've said. 

I have been known to make the statement often, "Don't leave me."  I find myself constantly anticipating the end of something.  Chris will ask me, "Can't you just enjoy it while it lasts?" And my answer is, "No, because with every moment we are closer to it being over."  Whatever "it" may be.  It just seems that those moments of quiet...of laughter with friends..dinner with my husband...giggles with my kids..it's all going too fast.  I've started the downward portion of the rollercoaster and I've only got 30 seconds left of the ride.  Instead of screaming and laughing and enjoying the ride, I'm terrified.  I don't want it to end.  I don't want the changes.  I don't want people to move on to new "seasons".  I want it all as it is.  I want to freeze the ride..if only for a moment.  ..a lifetime. 

I love my friends.  Absolutely adore them.  Probably more than one should.  And the same goes for my family.  I want to hold them all close to me and never let go.  I realize that this is selfish.  Totally.  Let's be clear.  This is not a head discussion..this is a matter of the heart.  My friend says that this may be how Jesus feels when He must let us go and grow.  When it's time for us to walk instead of crawl.  It hurts..but it's beautiful.  I want to see everyone grow and become all they are intended to be.  It's just hard to say goodbye..I want to not only see them grow, but I also want to be there to enjoy the growth with them.

It seems to be heading toward the end of one season and the start of a new season right now for many people in my life.  Many things are changing..lives are changing directions.  And although we grow together, we can't stay exactly the same.  We are all different parts of the tree, not one part of the body is alike.  And because of this we must branch off into different areas.  As Michael W. Smith sings, "I know the road He chose for me is not the road He chose for you.   So as we chase the dreams we're after, pray for me and I will pray for you.  And one day Love will bring us back around again."  Seems there have been many instances in my life where this songs has had great meaning.  And, most friends have found their way back to me, and I to them.  And it's a great reunion.  We've grown so much and now enjoy eachother even more than we did before.  But, the initial parting is bittersweet.

Me not having TV to drone off to as brought a lot of things to the surface.  Also, reading Redeeming Love has really made me aware of how abundant His love is for me.  No matter how people come and go, HE REMAINS.  So comforting.  But in my friends I see Him in human form.  Anyway, the book reminds me so much of my own life..and of how not only my husband has never given up on me, but my Heavenly Father hasn't given up, either.  I'm so abundantly blessed.

Val said to me tonight, "Everything (and everyone) that you need are right where they belong" .  That cuts DEEP.  Almost takes my breath away.  But it is also comforting.  Because it helped me to realize that God has each and every person in my life placed exactly where He wants them.  In order for me to grow, he must place people in different places in my life.  It's like a beautiful game of chess.  People ebb and flow from my immediate surroundings.  Some go away for good.  Some are called back.  But, no matter their placement, it is all for the ultimate good.  The "chessboard" of my life is complex and not always easy, but it's design is masterfully planned out.  Not one error.  Everything is meant for good, if I just submit.  And, submit I will.  I can't promise there won't be tears, but I can promise that I will continue to grow.  I will do my best to enjoy the ride, no matter how long it lasts.  Because, if I look at it in a positive light..if things never changed in life..I never would have met you.

I love you.  I hope you know just how much.  And I pray nothing but the best for you in whatever new ventures the Lord leads you into.  May you be richly blessed, and if God willing, you find your way back to me..there will be hugs waiting.  If not, I've truly enjoyed every moment.  You won't be forgotten.

I believe that one day, we will all be together again..dancing at our Father's house.  I can't wait for that day.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Here are a few of my newest pics.

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Monday, September 21, 2009

Here are two of the drama's the youth kids did yesterday.  Ash is in the second one, Everything.

They were amazing!!!  The youth really gave us an awesome service.

Revelation 5


Saturday, September 19, 2009

Ash and I went to our friend Jen's bridal shower lastnight.  So fun!  Lots of buddies to chat with and yummy food to munch on.  Then she went to the last part of the Kuna football game with her friends and to 5th quarter at church after the game.  Busy girl she is.

Chris and J stayed home to watch the game and had a dudes night.  They love dudes night :)

I got home from the bridal shower and thought maybe we should go down to the pool for an hour.  The sign at the pool says: "Pool is now heated!!"  Thought it might help my back to be in the pool so came home, got Chris and J and off we went!  Got there, the water is just as cold as it always is.  Lame.  Back home we went.

I changed the sheets on the bed and put the "down" comforter on the bed, opened the window..turned the fan on and got into bed with my book (Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers).  J later came in and said, "Your room sounds so nice..I should sleep in here"  I think he meant cuz the fan was on and there were sprinklers going outside..he's cute. 

I'm doin really well without TV.  I was worried it would take me forever to fall asleep because I always have the TV on to lull me to sleep.  But, the Lord has really blessed me.  I'm falling asleep within about two seconds of closing my eyes :)  The fast goes until October 14th.  There are still moments I think ahh it would be nice to just relax and watch some tv..which shows me how often I really did watch tv.  I don't usually pay attention to it when it's on, but I like to have the noise.  Or just stare into the tv blankly and zone out.  It's reallllly nice not to have it yappin at me all the time though.  Chris chose to fast coffee..I'll let him blog about that.  Well, we all know he won't blog about it (prove me wrong babe?), but still.  He's doin great.

Today we have the Fall To Worship event out in Nampa.  The drama kids will be performing 2 different times throughout the day.  Pretty excited for that.  They also have live music and I guess a few pastors who come and speak.  But it's all outdoors in the big park in nampa that has the ummm what is it..fighter jets or something?  Well you know what I mean.  OH, and did I mention there is free food?

I originally had to work this morning but my boss told me yesterday that I no longer needed to.  They will now only be open on Saturdays if we have a big shipment coming in on Monday.  SWEET!  Doesn't help me save up for my dog, but it's still SWEET! 
Well, we are getting ready to have our big Saturday family breakfast, so I better go get stuff started.

Have a wonderful weekend guys!  Love you so much!  

Until next time...Take care of you, you're precious cargo!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hello, my friend.

How are you?  Doin ok?  Have I told you how much I love you lately?  How much I admire you?  How much I treasure you?  Well, I think of you more often than you know, admire you more with each growing step you take and treasure your sweet spirit always.  You are so important.  You may not realize just how important.  It's sometimes hard for us to see ourselves as others see us.  But I see you as beautiful.  No, you're not perfect.  But you're not supposed to be.  Watching you grow from a tiny seed into a beautiful flower is a real treat.  And if I can ever be the water to encourage you to grow, or the sun to warm you, or the shade to cool you, the shelter to protect you..well you know where to find me.  I hope not a day goes by where you feel alone.  Because you aren't.  You're never, ever alone.  I just want to encourage you to keep fighting, keep growing, and to never give up.  You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but I promise, it's there.  If you will move your focus from that which is directly in front of you to that which lies ahead, you will see that His light is there.  He's just one step away.  Soon you will soar on wings of eagles.  Don't grow weary.  You will one day run!

He loves you.  He has not forgotten you.  He knows.  He knows even that which you keep hidden.  And He can help you.  He longs to hold you, if you'll only let Him. 

Until next time..((hugs))

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Here is the newest update from Jenn on Joshua. As you probably remember, Joshua is fighting Leukemia and doing a bang up job if I do say so myself!

Jenn writes:

Hey everyone, I promised an update on Joshua this week, so here goes!!!!

Gonna recap last week: Thursday he was really sick so we took him for lab work, round of antibiotics and blood cultures. Fever has gone away and has not returned. His counts last week were a little over 500 and his WBC was only at one......Fast forward to today! Took Joshua to rerun his counts this am.....his absolute nutrophil count is continuing to drop. It is now at 216 and his WBC is now at .6!!!! Yes, they are continuing to drop. After speaking with his nurse, we have pulled him off all chemo's for now. He will not receive any type of chemo until further notice. He is not due to be seen in Savannah until the 28th. Now, unless he starts running a fever we can stay right where we are. Otherwise its a race to Savannah. We speak regularly with his oncologist and trust their judgements wholeheartedly. They are not the type to sugarcoat ANYTHING!!! In the meantime, Mason, Owen and Emma have taken on fevers at out house as well and have taken over the beds 24/7 since Monday. My poor little babies!!! On a special note, Darrell and I are celebrating (or should I say remembering) our 8yr. Anniversary today!!!!! Hard to celebrate with sick children........

Please pray for all of us, as we go over yet another hurdle of battles........

Will keep everyone posted.


Monday, September 14, 2009

Camping was great.  Best trip of the year.  Total relaxation.  Great company.  Little drama.  Beautiful surroundings.  And a side trip to Stanley. :)  We enjoyed ourselves soooo much.

Ash and I are feeling a bit cold-ish today.  Hmm We spent the weekend apart..how could this be?  Oh well.  I'm sure we'll be fine.

Dad came up with another name for the new puppy baby this weekend.  PUMPKIN!!!  We love it :)  So, now it's between Pumpkin and Taters.  He says it could be Pumpkin Pie and then if we're mad at her it could just be Pumpkin. haha

Work was lonnnng today.  But it went well, I didn't get yelled at by any customers and we got all of our work done!  Well, minus about 40 emails that I still have to check.  But I got through about 70 so I'm happy.

Had tuna casserole for dinner.  It was delish.  I put chunks of cheese in it so when you take a bite cheese erupts in your mouth.  Sweet Heaven.

Jaden is reading to Chris.  They are giggling a lot and having fun.  J's a really good reader.  Both kids have always really enjoyed books.

I need some chocolate.

Well, I guess I'll go for now.  Hope your weekend was wonderful and that your work week flies by.  Love you mucho and think of you often.  Give yourself a hug from me.  I think I'll go make myself a nice hot cup of tea. 

Until next time...don't forget, you're worth the effort!  ((hugs))

Thursday, September 10, 2009

EEE!  My puppy is gonna be a Thanksgiving baby!  As in I get to bring her home on or around Turkey Day!  EARLY Christmas for me!  Ok, I know I said the puppy was for Sadie.  But, well...ok, it's for me. There, I said it!

We have 2 possible names since it's a Thanksgiving baby.  Here they are:

1.  Turkey
2.  Taters

Tell me which one you like.  Chris, of course, hates them both.  No matter.  He said we should name her Cranberry.  But I know if we do, my brother will just forever call her dingleberry.  Funny..but wrong.  LOL!

Life is ummm challenging.  Nothing new there.  Work is ummmm challenging.  Something new there.  Well, new-ish.  I'm too ____ (not sure of the word I'm looking for) to elaborate on it, so I won't.  I'll just say I'm thankful for my job.  And I'm thankful for the upcoming day when I won't need my job.

I'm enjoying the cooler days, when they choose to arrive.  And cherishing the hot days even though I've grown to hate them.  Cherishing them because soon it will be freezing and dark and damp and I will long for a hot sweaty day.  My friend Judy is helping me to enjoy the seasons of life.  I enjoy the seasons of life, but would enjoy them more if they were the seasons I picked and ones that ended and begun at my command.  I realize that has nothing to do with weather.  But, well, it sort of does.  Anyway, I'm not much into this seasons lesson, but growing is good and grow I shall! 

Do you ever just have that deep ache in your soul for Jesus?  I do.  I love my quiet time with Him.  And I long for it like a girl longs for her new boyfriend to call.  So thankful for Him and for the quiet moments we share. 

We leave for camp tomorrow.  And Ash leaves for her camp.  This is our last camp of the year.  Oddly, I'm ok with it.  This year has brought a few changes forth in me.  1. I no longer enjoy 100 degree days.  2.  I only sort of enjoy camping.   Eek, it hurts to even write that.  Maybe it's just a phase.  But, camping just seems like work now.  Why?  I dunno.  Maybe cuz I'm working full time..and that by the time the work week is done, the very last thing I want to do is pack up a portable home into the back of my car and drive 2 hours to a plot of dirt where I will then unload said portable home and proceed to be filthy..cook a lot of subpar meals, sweat a lot and bat off flesh sucking insects..undoubtedly trip in the dark..pee on my shoe and sneeze a lot.  Fun?  Where?  I'm old.

My home is cozy.  I need to paint.

My home is very clean.  I can breathe.

My dog is gorgeous.  She sheds too much.

I've got so many things going on and juggling, although one of my strong suits..makes the arms a bit tired.  I tear up a lot.  And for no reason.  No really, for no reason.  Saying good morning at times can bring on tears.  Or, I'll be telling a story to someone and all the sudden begin to tear up.  Wow.  Jesus take the wheel! LOL

Well, I'm rambling.  But this is a diary of sorts, and it's meant for rambling.

My kids are adorable.  Absolutely adorable.  I love them.  Everyday.  Every way.  Sometimes I don't like them.  But I always, always love them.  Ok I always like them too.  I just don't always like what they do. 

My husband..oh my husband.  Could a husband be any more precious?  I don't think so.  How is it possible that after 14 years I still get butterflies just thinkin about him!  I always thought my Mom was silly when she'd say things like that about my Dad, but now I know..she's not silly.  She's just in love.  She loves him, and she allows him to love her.  That's big.  It's said that your relationship with your spouse (and others) directly reflect ur relationship with God.  OOh..that gives me a lot to work on ladies n gents.

Well, I better get goin.  Lots to do..

But, I love you.  Even if we don't talk as much as we did.  See eachother as much as we used to.  I love you.  I think of you.  I pray for you.  I believe in you.  Don't quit.  You're here for a reason, and the reason doesn't involve giving up.  Be strong, be faithful, and don't forget to take time to listen to His voice.  It's important, and so are you.  ((hugs))

Until next time...please remember that tomorrow isn't just "another day"