Seasons.....to everything there is a season..a time... Sometimes it seems as though the season will never end, sometimes it seems as though it only lasted a moment and you want with everything to get it back...to keep it from ending. Sometimes it seems there are so many changes that it's hard (impossible?) to keep up. Grasping for the fleeting moments..taking quick mental snapshots to try to remember the moments..the conversation..the laughs..the smiles..the hugs..the feelings..the sound of their voice, their laugh..things they've said.
I have been known to make the statement often, "Don't leave me." I find myself constantly anticipating the end of something. Chris will ask me, "Can't you just enjoy it while it lasts?" And my answer is, "No, because with every moment we are closer to it being over." Whatever "it" may be. It just seems that those moments of quiet...of laughter with friends..dinner with my husband...giggles with my kids..it's all going too fast. I've started the downward portion of the rollercoaster and I've only got 30 seconds left of the ride. Instead of screaming and laughing and enjoying the ride, I'm terrified. I don't want it to end. I don't want the changes. I don't want people to move on to new "seasons". I want it all as it is. I want to freeze the ride..if only for a moment. ..a lifetime.
I love my friends. Absolutely adore them. Probably more than one should. And the same goes for my family. I want to hold them all close to me and never let go. I realize that this is selfish. Totally. Let's be clear. This is not a head discussion..this is a matter of the heart. My friend says that this may be how Jesus feels when He must let us go and grow. When it's time for us to walk instead of crawl. It hurts..but it's beautiful. I want to see everyone grow and become all they are intended to be. It's just hard to say goodbye..I want to not only see them grow, but I also want to be there to enjoy the growth with them.
It seems to be heading toward the end of one season and the start of a new season right now for many people in my life. Many things are changing..lives are changing directions. And although we grow together, we can't stay exactly the same. We are all different parts of the tree, not one part of the body is alike. And because of this we must branch off into different areas. As Michael W. Smith sings, "I know the road He chose for me is not the road He chose for you. So as we chase the dreams we're after, pray for me and I will pray for you. And one day Love will bring us back around again." Seems there have been many instances in my life where this songs has had great meaning. And, most friends have found their way back to me, and I to them. And it's a great reunion. We've grown so much and now enjoy eachother even more than we did before. But, the initial parting is bittersweet.
Me not having TV to drone off to as brought a lot of things to the surface. Also, reading Redeeming Love has really made me aware of how abundant His love is for me. No matter how people come and go, HE REMAINS. So comforting. But in my friends I see Him in human form. Anyway, the book reminds me so much of my own life..and of how not only my husband has never given up on me, but my Heavenly Father hasn't given up, either. I'm so abundantly blessed.
Val said to me tonight, "Everything (and everyone) that you need are right where they belong" . That cuts DEEP. Almost takes my breath away. But it is also comforting. Because it helped me to realize that God has each and every person in my life placed exactly where He wants them. In order for me to grow, he must place people in different places in my life. It's like a beautiful game of chess. People ebb and flow from my immediate surroundings. Some go away for good. Some are called back. But, no matter their placement, it is all for the ultimate good. The "chessboard" of my life is complex and not always easy, but it's design is masterfully planned out. Not one error. Everything is meant for good, if I just submit. And, submit I will. I can't promise there won't be tears, but I can promise that I will continue to grow. I will do my best to enjoy the ride, no matter how long it lasts. Because, if I look at it in a positive light..if things never changed in life..I never would have met you.
I love you. I hope you know just how much. And I pray nothing but the best for you in whatever new ventures the Lord leads you into. May you be richly blessed, and if God willing, you find your way back to me..there will be hugs waiting. If not, I've truly enjoyed every moment. You won't be forgotten.
I believe that one day, we will all be together again..dancing at our Father's house. I can't wait for that day.