Saturday, June 7, 2008

Added a buncha new songs to the playlist..took out the ones that weren't working. I think I had 9 that had gone ass up. Hate it when that happens. Was ok, needed some more soul satisfying music on there anyway. Now that I have that, I can't stop listening!

Gramma called the other day and told Chris that I could "have the day off" from cleaning yesterday b/c uncle Tim was gonna be in town..and something about carpets getting cleaned next week so no need to reschedule. I just love it when I get "days off" with no pay. My favorite. Especially after my phone bill came in $200 over and I have a fence to pay for and school clothes to buy and braces to get for Ash, and and and and and and...which is another reason I needed new songs on my playlist. Get my head back around the fact that it's not about ME, but about Him. And, He has it all in control, I just need to "let" Him have it.

I was sad not to be able to see Uncle Tim..but maybe that's the way they/he wanted it. I almost stopped by anyway. I've always loved him..we've had some great laughs and tears..oh well, what will be, will be. He knows I love him..whether I get to see him again, or not, doesn't change that! I hear he's getting married. I hope he is able to find even a fraction of the happiness with his new bride as he shared with Aunt Kathy. I imagine it's a hard thing to share new love with the family you've shared for so many years, who still mourns the loss of their daughter/Aunt/Sister. But, I truly wish him only the best. He deserves happiness and fulfillment, just like the rest of us.

I made 4 dentist appointments, my yearly exam appt, J's immunization appt, my dermatologist appt which will ultimately result in another visit as will my dentist appt, and as will A's dentist appt b/c she will then have to go into the ortho. I'm switching everything to this also means filling out mounds of paperwork..Hey, now I'm as bad as Frank with his DMV paperwork!! I'm trying not to be anxious about my dermatologist appt..where I hope to find out about this growth on my back. I really, really, really hope they say it's just a cyst and they can take care of it. And, I'm nervous about my dentists' appt now, too, since last time I went they (different dentists office) tried to kill me! I've had cavities this whole time b/c I just can't make myself go back. Last time resulted in cardiologist appointments, bubble studies, echo's ..whatever else they could throw at me..and thankfully a "healthy heart" diet..which allowed me to finally be able to hate red meat AND not have to eat it!! yay :) I always knew I shouldn't eat that slop. Unfortunately, it also meant cutting down on dairy..and I do enjoy cheese, A LOT. Oh well..I feel much better with this lifestyle anyway. So, it's an anxious time for me..but I know it will all turn out as it should. Oh, to top all of this off, on my way to get Jenny (spending the night w/ Ash) after a visit to the hospital (visiting Kristi, she had her baby yesterday!!), I'm gushing over how beautiful tiny Berkley is to Chris (on the phone) and he says, "Hon, I didn't even want to tell you, but Sadie's been throwing up all day." Instantly I flash back to Tess and think that Sadie must be dying, too. He assures me she's not, that she's a dog and dogs get sick all the time and are just fine and don't die..saying all the right things, of course, but my hearts not following. All I can think is my baby is dying. I get home, she's fine..but everything that she normally does (like lay around doing nothing) now seems like she's doing it b/c she's too weak to move (not true) and I"m waiting for her to start seizing and die. All night I have nightmares of Ash coming up and telling Chris that she can't get Sadie to move (never happened of course). She hasn't eaten..not even a treat..dry heaved last night, has had a little water on and off so that's good. She's still peeing and pooing so that's good..still chases her ball..but, I still worry. She just has to be ok.

Chris is off to go to the dentist in a few minutes..he'll bring back my first mountain of paperwork to fill out.

Mom's on her way out here. We're gonna take the kiddos over to the Wild Ivy craft fair thingy (unless Chris gets back b4 she gets here) they have stuff for the kids, too, serving serving hot dogs and have a jump house. But, I'm hoping Chris gets home first so I don't have to browse and watch I don't want Sadie to be left alone.

Later, Matt n Laura are coming over for our make shift camping trip..we're thinkin about setting up the tent in the house..they're spending the night..we'll still do s'mores..or maybe we'll all just sit and watch my dog die. Oh, how did that get out on paper? Sorry..I meant sit around and be lazy. *sigh*

My stomach has been upset since yesterday morning..probably stress. Keep feeling like I'm gonna puke but haven't..thank God.

Well, the bright shiny spot of the week has definitely been that little Berkley Nipp has entered the world, she is beautiful and precious..perfect angel. I keep saying it, but it just keeps being true! Was so excited to see her finally arrive. We wait sooo long for these little babies and then all of the sudden, there they are! The promise of a new life, new opportunities, new dreams...what a huge blessing she is in a very tiny package.

Oh, and J made us breakfast in bed yesterday. He's such a precious boy. As you probably all know I have had morning sickness since I was pregnant with J. It's just never gone away for some I don't do much in the mornings but try to be still and breathe slowly. So to be woken up with the scent of cereal (which I hate btw) was almost too much to bear/bare/huh? But, you can't turn down your son..he worked so hard, it's the first time he'd done it for us. So, I prayed the serenity prayer (LOL! OK, I didn't) and went down and ate as much as I could w/o vomiting..thanked him and told him how great he was and then was off to clean all day and then work..and then you know the rest.. I had to break it to him last night, after he mentioned that he was going to do breakfast again on Saturday (today), that he needed to save things like that for special occasions or just as an every once in awhile thing b/c it's SO special, we can't do that everyday..he totally understood, hopefully. So now he REALLY thinks he did something fantastic since it's not an EVERYDAY thing! Phew! I didn't want him to feel like he did something that we didn't like, so it was good he took it well. I remember the first time Ash brought us cereal..there were 2 or 3 pieces of cereal in the bowl and then about 3 cups of milk. Since Chris and I both hate milk it was a bad, bad, BAD day..LOL..but, she never felt like doing it again so we just lucked out! J on the other hand had a lot of cereal in the bowl and just a dash of milk b/c he knew I didn't drink milk..he hasn't notice I don't eat cereal either. My kids are sweet lil bugs, that's for sure. I love those babies.

I'm gonna go check on my pup..have a great Saturday everyone. Love on never know when it may be your last moment..irritations are temporary, loss is forever.


  1. First and foremost: I love you!!! Life is good with you in it...sorry you have having such anxiety right now. Wish I could hug you close - but, no gas and work at 5, so maybe it will need to be a virtual HUGGGGGG.
    Dentists - hate them, always lie about my 'heart murmur' so they don't freak out about the potential of my dying from having my teeth cleaned - what am I gonna do, sue them from the grave!
    Let me know about the dermatologist - you know extra prayers are yours.
    Remember, sometimes God calms the storm, but I believe He mostly calms the child. Let Him calm you.

  2. Thanks :) I went out and got some fresh air and chatted with the town ladies and Mom..saw a friend in town. Helped to get outside and just breathe..get away from it all.

    Now, I think I'll go take a nap :O)